Dude where's my time

Perspective is a bitch. Blessed are those who are impervious to the incessant replays of their past, the ignorant fools who have no idea how close they were to their best dreams or worst nightmares coming true. How I envy them. Contrary to the popular belief that I am indeed one of the those ignorant fools, I do possess abundance hindsight. In fact, if I were a super hero, I would be Captain Hindsight and my super power would be hindsight, with a perfect 20/20 vision. May be I am a fool, to dwell on the past, the "what-if" s, the "almost" s, and the "may be" s. May be I am a fool, that I just can't let things do.

Why now? I like to believe it's the freakin' midlife crisis. For the past few weeks, actually a few months, my life path has taken a whole new trajectory on its own. Honestly, not even a single event was under my control. Most of it were under Mr. Murphy's but I digress. Since two and half years ago, I have been trying to carefully orchestrate every move of mine, only to have all hell break loose in the last 6 months. But here is the weird part. This lack of control is exhilarating; it's a kind of freedom  I haven't felt since the high school or early college days. And I guess that's why the nostalgia.

Time is indeed one true thing that you can never get back in return for all the riches of the world. Ironically, it is indeed one of the most wasted commodity too. I just feel like, somewhere, in the midst of my pursuit of education, career and some personal aspirations, I have lost some time along the way. As I said, perspective is a bitch. It's not that I am complaining about the time I have spend on my endeavors, truly they have made me the man I am today. The thing is, I just feel like I have lost some time, time that I should have had for myself. Based on my calculation its about two years.

I would say, with regard to where I am and where I would like to be, I am content. Just that I wish I was here 2 years ago, and may be had some time to burn just on me, before I get into the quagmire of living for those who are around me or dependent on me. I am told that's how life would be from now on. I am eager to see what's going to happen.

Unfinished Business

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know the journey I had to make about a good 6 years ago to obtain my MBA. It's been a while now, but I am extremely happy to share with you all that I have finally gotten my MBA from a US university. It all feels surreal now, the plans, the pains, the sacrifices, the disappointments, the failures, all for one success. And it's worth it. To a normal Joe, this is indeed a normal feat, of course every other Indian is now getting an international MBA. From outside, that's whats I would think too, but now that I have made the journey myself, I understand how it is; I understand what it means. And I wish to congratulate everyone who has accomplished it.

I made so many plans and calculations in the last 5 years. It is always wonderful when a certain plan bears fruition; it's good to be right. I love planning. But the problem was, I never planned what I would do after MBA. For me, getting to US to pursue MBA was the ultimate goal. Having accomplished that, I now am fiddling my thumbs what to do. Oh wait, job hunt. Well, that's a different story altogether.

But I do feel that there is some unfinished business in my life. It was great to have one goal and work towards that. But now I see it, my life is going to be a series of goals until my final breath. I am not sure whether I like it or not, I am sure this is the only way I am going to live my life. But I look back, and each new goal is comparatively harder to achieve than the previous one. May be my expectations have increased, may be I am thinking too much about myself or just may be I am fantasizing a bit too much; doesn't seem to matter.

The only problem (I am gonna get nicely for calling this a "problem" from "someone") is that my journey from now on might not be alone. Is this good or bad, I have no idea, having spent all of my existence in an "eternal bachelor" lifestyle. Or is this due to bad pick-up skills, I have no idea (Thank god for the arranged marriage!). Let's see how far I've come...let's see how far I'll go.

The uneligible bachelor

After an extremely demanding year of studies, work and travel, I finally got a chance to meet my family and friends after a year's gap. There's nothing like home. Chennai has changed so much but not the people. So far I  have spent a good amount of time catching up with relatives and friends. When you are 28 years old, more often than not, so are your friends. And more often that not, they have got a family of their own. Before, it was so easy to have dinner with friends. Now not so much. I am not afraid to say this out loud (I know my blog's patronage!). But I am extremely happy to see that the number of seats has increased at the table.

Having said that, the first question is always "so when is your time?" I wish I knew the answer. I mean, good luck trying to find a bride for an 28 year old unemployed student. It's not that people haven't been trying, but you got to admit, there aren't many options. And the "US-returned" tag aint worth much anymore. That's the problem of jumping late in the bandwagon. But if there is any teeny tiny good thing that has come out of this situation, it is this: I am not that scared of getting committed. Well, I am indeed afraid even now, but many of the fears and reservations that I had of getting into a relationship have kind of subdued now. Having said THAT, one should be extremely careful in getting into a commitment with the specimen that is Riaz. In fact, you don't have to look much beyond this blog to get an idea as to what kind of nut case I am. If you happen to know if someone's interested, please do warn them.

I can read you..well almost.

One of the oft-quoted wisdom goes something like this, "Don't forget how you were when you were nothing when you are someone." Many of us, including me, have been at fault sometimes of being "smug" when we should not have been. It's a human vanity.More often than not, it doesn't work. It shouldn't technically as we are trying to equate behaviors or two extremes. I tell you, people are drastically different than they are usually when they want something, something urgent and important. You would have had a few episodes of such situations both as an actor and as an observer. The behaviors that they portray normally are either amplified or nullified when they are nothing and in need of something. On the other hand, when the same person achieves what he wants, he ceases to be a ..er. dick? and starts exhibits normal behavior. Just like when someone's prayers are answered.

In my opinion, its unfair to consider their behaviors in those situations as benchmark. It is hardly. The benchmark should be when we are content. I believe that when we are content, we exhibit our normal behavior that should be considered benchmark. When we have nothing, we tend to be subservient in order to gain what we wish for. Long story short, I have come to realize that people are not as pleasant or as rude as they would be generally, as long as we don't need any favors from them.