Pyaars'r possible

Brain is definitely the best database management system around. Those associated with database or commonsense will know that an index is useful to pinpoint the information we require to retrive from vast amounts of data. A few of us use techniques such as mnemonics and what not. But all of us, well almost, use the universal indexing mechanism, EMOTION. You associate an event (seeing, listening, hearing etc) with an emotion, and bam! it gets fixed on to your brain. One of the main reasons why woman are good in remembering things, albeit most of them unwanted. Brain's subconscious part is pretty much like the RAM of computers. Anything that needs to be done quickly and spontaneously is kept over there. But to get into this subconcious area, the information has to move through the conscious area. Remember when you learnt cycling? First you know when you apply the brakes, and after practice, you just apply without even knowing or thinking about it.
Unfortunately for us, when we are in Love, the practice and emotion go hand in hand. Every thing we see we try to associate with our partner. "She loves vanilla ice cream. He is so handsome in blue. I love her when she lifts her eyebrows..." Brain realizes that we are thinking only about one object (our partner) all the time. So in order to retrive the data about this person quickly, it builds bridges across memory cells, the neurons. Are you listening to a song which is her favorite? Are you eating a food which is her favorite? Is the next phone call will be hers? The more you think about your partner, stronger the bridges become. Now you are thinking so much about your partner, you brain replaces information in old unused memory cells with your partner's. So whenever your brain tries to look into head for any information, it invariably comes across at least one information about your partner. It's like Starbucks or Bajaj Pulsar. They are everywhere!
All izz well, and then, TADA, you people break up. Poor you, most of your head is occupied, literally, by your partner's thoughts. Drinking water? Your brain tells your partner likes warm water. Wearing blue shirt? Your brain recalls numerous times when your partner has commented how good you look in blue. It is all because of these darn bridges!!! Any action of yours, if associated with the partner's bridge, will remind you of him/her. Unfortunatey, if you were in a deep relationship, almost every action would be. Your brain is under stress which makes your hormones go haywire. Unable to eat, drink, sleep, think? BLAME IT ON BRIDGES.
So, coming to one of the most asked question in the world. "How do I get over my ex?" Zillion books have been written, numerous movies have been made, and quite a number of lives have been lost, all in search of the answer. The answer, is simple, break the bridges. How to do it? Make new thoughts. Old partner cells will eventually be replaced with new thoughts, it is Darwin's theory after all. Thus emotional people will always find it difficult to get over than the practical ones.
Another easy way is to make thoughts about a new partner. The 'fast track' types. Move on! This is definitely the faster approach. Mix praticality with this approach, you will find being called a stud if you're a guy, a slut if you are a girl.
This blog is inspired by one of the events from my novel-in-writing.

Ways in which you shouldn't try to woo - Part 1

This is my first of the “love series” which I plan to write. More advanced scenarios will be found in my novel-in-working, which unfortunately is out of public eyes for the moment.
SERIES-1: Ways in which you SHOULD NOT try to “woo”. APPLICABLE FOR GUYS ONLY.
Woo: - Definition: seek as romantic partner
Other synonyms: make advances, propose, pursue, run after etc

Action: Trying to show-off your stamina by running a marathon in shorts worn over your pants, and folding up your pants under your shorts. (You think you don’t have time to change, think again!)
Result: During your run, the pants will slowly fold down and come below your shorts. You won’t be able to finish the marathon. You’ll be half way down the track trying to hold your breath, with a jersey shorts over your pants. If no one makes fun of you, well, actually there is no escape. Everyone will.

Action: Trying to join a tuition class because your “other half” is studying there.
Result: You’ll find that you aren’t the first person do so. Invariably, you will always be the dorkiest, ugliest and stupidest guy in line for her in the class. So instead of just fading away in obscurity, you’ll be butt of many jokes among the girl and her cohorts.

Action: Trying to help in her assignments by doing it yourself. You aim to get some brownie points.
Result: You’ll become the “brother she never had.” You’ll find calling her dad “uncle.” Her kid brother will call you by name. Her mom will tell you to buy cucumbers from grocery store.

Action: Dropping her off at her home after college or office. You aim to be become a routine in her life.
Result: When she actually elopes with the person of her choice, who is not you (duh!), you will find at the receiving end of questions from her parents, relatives, ex-boyfriends, and police.

Action: Seeing titanic together. You aim to get into her “inner-zone” in her heart during the mushy moments.
Result: You’ll be crying during half of the movie, and you’ll give her a chance to see what a wuss you are. Not only that, you’ll also end up being compared with Di Caprio in boyfriend quotient, even though she is no Kate Winslet. Good luck!

Action: Cursing, humiliating and bossing your kid brother in front of her to show who the boss in your home is.
Result: A tip. ALWAYS KEEP THIS IN MIND. Girls love younger brothers, either theirs or someone else’s. Her opinion of you has gone below than the dirt in her shoe.

Action: Wishing her exactly at 00:00:00.00000 on her birthday. You think it is a killer task to get into her (heart/pants whatever)
Result: Guys. Remember. She is always, and I repeat, ALWAYS expecting a call from someone other than you. So when you are the FIRST guy to call her, the reply will be “HEYY THANKS. Hey I got a call on other line. Talk to you tomorrow ok.” Invariably, the tomorrow-talk never happens until you initiate. You know what that means! Yes, you are a “nobody.”
Tip: Call her in normal time. In that way, you are sure to get some valuable talk-time, and can talk about variety of topics, such as “so who all wished you at midnight?”, “when are you cutting the cake?” etc.

Action: Bunking your exam, job interview or other life altering events to accompany her and her dog to a vet.
Result: Congrats. You’ve officially become a loser. Girls DO NOT like loser. Hence, girls do not like you. Thus proved! Man, I love syllogisms!

Action: Memorizing lame movie dialogues such as “You complete me”, and, wait for it, using them in actual proposal!
Result: Recipe for disaster. Always know that the girl will always have seen more love movies than you at any point of time. And, she will know all the dialogues by heart. She will want to hear almost like that, remember, ALMOST like that. Of course, if you try “You might complete me”, well…

Action: Proposing over a phone.
Result: HA HA HA! Guys! Sometimes we do the craziest things.

Disclaimer:

1. The above suggestions and advices are the result of real and half-baked life experiences of my friends, friends of friends, general public, imaginary people and me albeit incognito. So if any of you find yourself in the list, don’t come out the closet. If you do, then KISS MY ABS. (You would actually beg to kiss my ass when you see my abs. Anyways…)
2. Always take an advice with a pinch of sanity, as advice = ad (toward) + vice (a harmful or nasty habit or action). So you may find advices may sometimes lead you to do the action or yield the opposite result. Olrite, enough gyaan…

Okay, the next series will be for girls. I can really use some help here. So women readers (if there are any!! ), please give me something.

I'm over you

You have been the love of my life. I was so insanely mad in love with you even before Emma Watson, even before Manchester United. I cannot remember a day passing by without seeing you, without hearing you. You have been there during my happiest of days, as well as the saddest of them lot. No matter how sad I am, just a glimpse of you was enough to put my mind at peace. Because of you, I have made so many friends who were all admirers of you.
But it breaks my heart to say that for the past few weeks, in fact months, I haven’t been feeling the same. I told to myself that it was just a passing phase in our relationship, but as the days grew so did the gap. I cannot feel the emotional attachment that we had before. It seems like there is some kind of space between us, which is so big. One of the reasons could be that when I have grown in years and maturity, you have not managed to do so. You sure cultivated new things, but they pale in comparison with what you had before. We just are not on the same wavelength anymore. You seem to like different things. And looks like you have had new folks in your life too nowadays. Fair enough, who am I to complain now anyway.
I think it is only fair enough for me to say that we have to part ways now. There is no point in seeing you anymore, when there is no love. I am not the kind of guy who tears up your posters, or who burns the memorabilia. I will keep them with me, safe and sound. After all, we shared just a magical bond once. And I am sure that any girl who enters into my life hereafter would understand my love for you.
And I am not going to lie. I am not going to miss you. But thanks so much for all the memories. Bye bye cartoons!