Ways in which you shouldn't try to woo - Part 1

This is my first of the “love series” which I plan to write. More advanced scenarios will be found in my novel-in-working, which unfortunately is out of public eyes for the moment.
SERIES-1: Ways in which you SHOULD NOT try to “woo”. APPLICABLE FOR GUYS ONLY.
Woo: - Definition: seek as romantic partner
Other synonyms: make advances, propose, pursue, run after etc

Action: Trying to show-off your stamina by running a marathon in shorts worn over your pants, and folding up your pants under your shorts. (You think you don’t have time to change, think again!)
Result: During your run, the pants will slowly fold down and come below your shorts. You won’t be able to finish the marathon. You’ll be half way down the track trying to hold your breath, with a jersey shorts over your pants. If no one makes fun of you, well, actually there is no escape. Everyone will.

Action: Trying to join a tuition class because your “other half” is studying there.
Result: You’ll find that you aren’t the first person do so. Invariably, you will always be the dorkiest, ugliest and stupidest guy in line for her in the class. So instead of just fading away in obscurity, you’ll be butt of many jokes among the girl and her cohorts.

Action: Trying to help in her assignments by doing it yourself. You aim to get some brownie points.
Result: You’ll become the “brother she never had.” You’ll find calling her dad “uncle.” Her kid brother will call you by name. Her mom will tell you to buy cucumbers from grocery store.

Action: Dropping her off at her home after college or office. You aim to be become a routine in her life.
Result: When she actually elopes with the person of her choice, who is not you (duh!), you will find at the receiving end of questions from her parents, relatives, ex-boyfriends, and police.

Action: Seeing titanic together. You aim to get into her “inner-zone” in her heart during the mushy moments.
Result: You’ll be crying during half of the movie, and you’ll give her a chance to see what a wuss you are. Not only that, you’ll also end up being compared with Di Caprio in boyfriend quotient, even though she is no Kate Winslet. Good luck!

Action: Cursing, humiliating and bossing your kid brother in front of her to show who the boss in your home is.
Result: A tip. ALWAYS KEEP THIS IN MIND. Girls love younger brothers, either theirs or someone else’s. Her opinion of you has gone below than the dirt in her shoe.

Action: Wishing her exactly at 00:00:00.00000 on her birthday. You think it is a killer task to get into her (heart/pants whatever)
Result: Guys. Remember. She is always, and I repeat, ALWAYS expecting a call from someone other than you. So when you are the FIRST guy to call her, the reply will be “HEYY THANKS. Hey I got a call on other line. Talk to you tomorrow ok.” Invariably, the tomorrow-talk never happens until you initiate. You know what that means! Yes, you are a “nobody.”
Tip: Call her in normal time. In that way, you are sure to get some valuable talk-time, and can talk about variety of topics, such as “so who all wished you at midnight?”, “when are you cutting the cake?” etc.

Action: Bunking your exam, job interview or other life altering events to accompany her and her dog to a vet.
Result: Congrats. You’ve officially become a loser. Girls DO NOT like loser. Hence, girls do not like you. Thus proved! Man, I love syllogisms!

Action: Memorizing lame movie dialogues such as “You complete me”, and, wait for it, using them in actual proposal!
Result: Recipe for disaster. Always know that the girl will always have seen more love movies than you at any point of time. And, she will know all the dialogues by heart. She will want to hear almost like that, remember, ALMOST like that. Of course, if you try “You might complete me”, well…

Action: Proposing over a phone.
Result: HA HA HA! Guys! Sometimes we do the craziest things.

Disclaimer:

1. The above suggestions and advices are the result of real and half-baked life experiences of my friends, friends of friends, general public, imaginary people and me albeit incognito. So if any of you find yourself in the list, don’t come out the closet. If you do, then KISS MY ABS. (You would actually beg to kiss my ass when you see my abs. Anyways…)
2. Always take an advice with a pinch of sanity, as advice = ad (toward) + vice (a harmful or nasty habit or action). So you may find advices may sometimes lead you to do the action or yield the opposite result. Olrite, enough gyaan…

Okay, the next series will be for girls. I can really use some help here. So women readers (if there are any!! ), please give me something.

I'm over you

You have been the love of my life. I was so insanely mad in love with you even before Emma Watson, even before Manchester United. I cannot remember a day passing by without seeing you, without hearing you. You have been there during my happiest of days, as well as the saddest of them lot. No matter how sad I am, just a glimpse of you was enough to put my mind at peace. Because of you, I have made so many friends who were all admirers of you.
But it breaks my heart to say that for the past few weeks, in fact months, I haven’t been feeling the same. I told to myself that it was just a passing phase in our relationship, but as the days grew so did the gap. I cannot feel the emotional attachment that we had before. It seems like there is some kind of space between us, which is so big. One of the reasons could be that when I have grown in years and maturity, you have not managed to do so. You sure cultivated new things, but they pale in comparison with what you had before. We just are not on the same wavelength anymore. You seem to like different things. And looks like you have had new folks in your life too nowadays. Fair enough, who am I to complain now anyway.
I think it is only fair enough for me to say that we have to part ways now. There is no point in seeing you anymore, when there is no love. I am not the kind of guy who tears up your posters, or who burns the memorabilia. I will keep them with me, safe and sound. After all, we shared just a magical bond once. And I am sure that any girl who enters into my life hereafter would understand my love for you.
And I am not going to lie. I am not going to miss you. But thanks so much for all the memories. Bye bye cartoons!

Summer of 09 – At Kodaikannal

I’ll start with a corrigendum for the last blog. Trip to Munnar is not the best trip ever so far. My recent escapade to Kodaikannal with my partners in crime is THE BEST trip so far. We all, sans Zaheer who had one of his MBA exams on the weekends, started on July 3^rd from Chennai Egmore station. Unlike last time, we all had our tickets booked, even for the late comer Vijaykumar albeit in a different compartment. The train journey was incident free, which is a first for us!

We reached kodaikannal high road station around 6:30 in the morning, 1 hr late than the normal arrival time. Then we spent lot of time contemplating the best service to reach kodai town. After a small breakfast, we decided the best and economic way was to travel by bus, which we did on 8:45 A.M. Till we reached Kodai town around 12 PM, I don’t remember much. One thing I forgot to mention; this is one of the best ever planned trip we were on. Train tickets, room booking, cab booking etc were all planned in advance. And for the first time, everything was spot on like clockwork. After getting to the rooms and a quickly refreshing, we went on to local site seeing. IMO kodaikannal is much better than Ooty. Some of the places we visited were Guna caves system, pine forest, some lake and so many other places. We came back, had a hearty dinner and then some tv and then sleep.

The second day had a lot in store for us. Amazing day and amazing time!

We rounded the day off with a nice cycle ride around the lake. Cycling after ages!!! Brought back our school memories. None of our trips seem to end without a customary trek, and so there we were on the third day. A very long arduous and hot trek on perumal hills system, the highest hill system in Kodaikannal. Unlike last time, we packed lotta fruits, a LOT of fruits and climbed and climbed and climbed and …climbed. Around 2 PM when we were all feeling pinch in our stomachs, we decided to climb down. We reached the foot around 3:30 PM and found some place to have lunch around 4 PM. We rested a while in our room, and by 8:00 PM, we started to Kodaikannal hight road station. After having dinner at the same place where we had our first meal of the trip, we all boarded the train back to Chennai. This is pretty much a dumbed down version of many things we did during the trip. Actually only this much is left after all the censors. Rest everything is *bleep*, *bleep* and more *bleep*!

Munnar!!!

Not wanting to have another month without a blog, I have decided to write about the long pending subject of my trip to Munnar. It was one of THE most memorable trips I have been to so far. Awesome place, awesome friends. We started on April 30th from Chennai to Madurai (you may ask why we went there to go to Munnar, the truth is I have no idea). Everything was on adventure. Ours was waiting list in 60s when we booked and at the time of journey (Thursday 2 PM), it came to waiting list 10s. No grace marks here, so we had to get into unreserved. After two stops, we moved to ES, and slowly found ourselves with seats to spare. It was a long arduous journey, especially when there are no chicks around. We reached Madurai, settled ourselves in a nice hotel (by nice I mean it had TV) for the night. Oh I totally forgot, the dinner was exquisite! Nothing can beat Madurai food.
After a short (crappy) photo session in the morning and a great breakfast we started off to Munnar by bus. The bus journey was great, really fantastic UNTIL it reached Tamilnadu-Kerala border. After that the hair pin bends just came like T-Pain’s singles, and by the time we reached Munnar, we weren’t sure if our brain was still working.
We spent the whole of the Friday night trying to find a room in Munnar, which we did finally. After our dinner, we went on a short but wonderful trek to a nearby hill. I have never seen so many fireflies together so far!

Saturday was the day of the trip. We started off in the morning in a share auto, yes SHARE AUTO towards Lockehart gap. On the way, there was a very very beautiful tea estate. Just check out the pics! The trek to the top of the Lockehart gap was one of the most beautiful thing I have done so far. After reaching the peak and to look down, wow!...just WOW!
We came down, went back in share auto, went to a hotel, fought with the hoteliers, went to another hotel and had dinner, as usual.
The whole of Sunday was taken by the trip from Munnar to Theni, and then in waiting for the 7 P.M government bus to Chennai. Oh by the way, if you drop at Theni sometime, do EAT! The food is amazing there!
If I could phrase the entire bus journey from Theni to Dindugal, the next morning I wasn’t sure if my organs were in the right place. If you think that was bad, Harish had to change 6 bus to reach B’lore from Theni.
Enjoy the pics. Till the next blog, Adios.