Apartment hunting in Germany

In April 2014, in the words of Spencer Johnson, I made the proverbial change to move to the place of my cheese, Germany! Though I have made a change before, this one proved to be even drastic considering the lack of personal support system in the new place. And not to mention the language and ..ahem.. cultural differences. Needless to say, in spite of my best efforts of my company to ease my transition into Germany, initially I faced many struggles to get settled. I am recounting my thoughts here so that it might prove helpful for you in case you find yourself lost in translation.

Note that if you happen to know at least a reasonable level of German, setting up many of the below mentioned things would be a cake walk. In my case, on a scale on 1 to 10 in German, I was at "dumbass" level, so I found a few things infinitely harder. I like to do things myself wherever possible to save money, and more importantly to learn, so in a few of these cases, you might just throw some money at a consultant to help you out. I'll point out these things to you. To keep each post short, I'll discuss one specific item in each post. In this post, I talk about Apartment/house hunting, the mother of all hunts!

Apartment/House hunting

You can choose to do this task either before moving to Germany or after coming here and searching in person. Since is this one of the fundamental tasks to do, and more importantly, to do properly, I am giving it priority numero uno. In both these types of search, there are certain common themes.

Help of a broker: 

You can choose to find an apartment in private dealings or go through a broker, or as they call here, makler, to find an apartment for you on your behalf. A makler, who can be either a licensed person or a firm, MIGHT charge a commission from you (he or she could also charge the commission only from landlord), and this commission would be made upon drawing of the contract. That is, you pay the amount upfront based on your rent and the duration of your contract, with maximum possible duration. And the maximum a broker could charge is 2.38 times of your monthly "cold rent." The broker could also charge less than 2.38 times if the duration is less than a year, prorated accordingly. However, there is a piece of legislation in works (?? not sure what's the current status ??), WoVermRG, and section 2 (1)(a) mentions (well, whatever Google translated)

"The apartment brokers may call from apartment seekers for mediation or proof of the opportunity to enter into leases over dwellings not paid, have promised or accept, unless the home agent fetches only because of the agency contract with the home seekers by the landlord or by another claimant commissioned an offer the apartment"

If you strip of the legal jargon, it says that if the landlord takes the help of a broker, the landlord would pay the fees and none would be paid by the (prospective) tenant. And this would save you a buttload of money! The average apartment cost in Frankfurt is approximately €1100 cold rent per month for a 3 room apartment, and if you take a contract greater than 1 year, you would have to fork out more than €2600 upfront. For those lucky guys for whom the company pays this cost, good for you. For others, this is a significant cost to consider! So always make a point to negotiate moving costs in your work contract, it will really help you.

If you were to find an apartment without having to pay the broker fee, look for the term "provisionfrei" in apartment advertisements.

For my initial move, I took help the of HomeCompany agency to hook me up with a temporary furnished apartment while I was searching for a permanent dwelling. I had a satisfactory experience with them, but importantly, they offer support in English (website is also English). This is after I tried to find apartment from Chennai through online rental search engines such as immobilienscout24, immowelt and wg-gesucht. I wanted to make sure that my location had reasonable public transport access, and to identify that, I had to be here to check. But I can safely say that if you are in center of a German city, the public transport is excellent; you really don't need a car. I have a bicycle and it is perfect for my short distance needs. I will post in detail about the Frankfurt public transport in a later post. I eventually got the apartment I needed with all the characteristics to look for from wg-gesucht. All these tips are for you living by yourself or with your family. You can use wg-gesucht to find a roommate or find a student accommodation to share at studenten-wg. You can reduce you rent considerably by sharing your apartment. It might also help you to easily transition into German way of life, especially if your roommate is German. I didn't do this (regret it a lot!) and then I got married, so no possibility anymore of a "bachelor" life!

Cold Rent or Kaltmiet

I have mentioned this term couple of times already in this post, and this is the term you HAVE to keep in mind when trying to find the cost of the rental. It is a legal common term here, so there is absolutely no confusion when anyone uses the term.
Cold rent is the rent you pay for the apartment and apartment only. It is that simple. It doesn't contain extra frills cost. And absolutely nothing. So what are the extra costs.
Heating: Oh god, wouldn't you need heating! Heating costs of Heizkosten as called in German, is a cost you pay for heating, considering that many of the apartments here don't have AC (it's a good thing people!) It depends upon the size of the apartment and it's energy efficiency, and of course your usage.
Water: Self-explanatory, probably should have put it up at the top. oh well..
Nebenkosten: Supplementary costs that you pay, for example, cleaning, security and general upkeep.

Warm rent or Warmmiete usually includes all extra costs and cold rent. Sometimes it might just include heating costs, always read the contract carefully!

Utilities such as electricity, cable and internet are USUALLY out of these costs and you have to figure that out yourself. And you will have plenty of options to choose which service provider you want. Sometimes if you are lucky, you can find all these included in warm rent, especially in the case of furnished apartments, which I have further down. 

Note that garage and parking costs are extra, and in some cases, this is non-negotiable.

I pay approximately €900 including all rent+costs+utilities (separately) for a 2 room 50 sq.meter apartment which is about 20 minutes from the city center by train (metro) but still part of the main city with ALL the facilities accessible by public transport. But the important factory was that, my apartment is 10 minutes biking/25 minutes walk away from my office, and I wanted to reduce my daily commute time as much as possible. Trust me, it saves you a LOT of time to do fun things by yourself or with your family, when you don't spend 2-3 hours in commute.

Kaution or Deposit:

Before moving into an apartment, you have to pay caution deposit which can range from 1-3 month of either cold or warm rent. Legally, the landlord would have to keep your deposit separate and give it back to you along with interest accrued when you move out, subtracting reasonable costs for damage (wall, toilet, doors etc.) and cosmetic restoration (paint, nails etc.).  Based on the above example, it might come up to €3300. Now you add the broker commission, deposit and first month's rent, it is quite a large sum of €7000 to cough up right away. And no credit cards here people, so you better have that amount in cold cash. That's why it behooves well to include transportation and moving costs in work contract.

Now what can the landlord can claim to subtract from caution deposit is a question that warrants a large post, a topic on which you will find many pointers on the internet. In worst case scenarios, lawyers may also be involved. Always clarify with your landlord the terms of your move out and in that, include the condition of the apartment to be. Take pictures before you sign, I didn't do it, will have to see what would be my situation when I move out!

Furnished or Unfurnished apartments:

Cities such as Frankfurt, Berlin, Hamburg and Munich have a lot of expats, international communities and in general, a moving population. So there will be plenty of opportunities to find furnished accommodation as landlords may cater to middle/upper executives who don't want to bother with furnishing for a short period of time, or a tenant might have moved temporarily for a job and doesn't want to give up on the lease (as it is insanely difficult to find an apartment here). Furnished apartments usually deal with warm rent as most of the utilities have already been fixed and the rent would have already been fixed. And they also tend to cost much higher than unfurnished apartments.

When Germans say unfurnished, they mean unfurnished. In USA (at least where I was), an unfurnished apartment would have a fitted and working kitchen, a refrigerator, may be a washer and a dryer, a microwave oven and at least one move-in closet. In Germany, you would find an unfurnished apartment with absolutely no fittings, except may the bathroom/toilet fittings. So no kitchen, no refrigerator, no oven, no closets, no sofa, no bed nothing! So in addition to the first month's rent, kaution, provision (if using a broker), you have to factor in the fitting and furnishing costs (a fitted kitchen might cost you upward of   € 1500 ) if you are making the move on your own. Usually companies don't support this cost. If they indeed pay for rent, it would be for a furnished apartment, at least that's what I found to be the usual case; it is easier and less complicated that way.

However, during apartment search, you can choose to find apartments that have fitted kitchen (einbauküche) already so you are at least set on the food department. In my case, I bought kitchen, bathroom fittings, laminat floors, a sofa and a bar table and some lights from my previous tenant for a fixed sum. If not, my previous tenant would have had to throw away all of those things, restore the apartment to the previous condition (taken care of all nails, paints etc) and given it to me. In short, you can arrange to take over certain things from previous apartment with the blessing of the landlord so that you can move into a partially furnished apartment. You do this by writing a eignungserklärung (house eligibility statement) along with a Vereinbarung zur Übergabe von Wohnungsgegenständen (Agreement for the transfer of flat objects) with both parties (you and previous tenant) signed, and giving a copy to the landlord to be included in the lease contract. Note that by doing this arrangement, it absolves the previous tenant of all the liability and makes you liable for all things in the apartment, including any changes made during the tenure of previous tenant. So always double check what you are taking over. 

Zimmer or Rooms:

A little warning, rooms or Zimmer include the number of liveable rooms and includes living room. In India or USA, we usually say 2 bedroom apartment, meaning there are 2 rooms and a living room. Here in Germany, they would just say 3 room apartment, meaning there are 3 rooms and you can use the room any way you seem fit. And almost all of the places have a separate kitchen, bathroom, may be a closet and a cellar (storage) separately. My apartment has a small porch and a garden at the back. Bliss!! One thing you have to note in Germany is that there is a minimum space requirement for each person in the lease. This is usually 12sq.meter. So a 2 person apartment would need at least 24sq.meter or apprx. 260 sq.feet. But if you have have one kid, the landlords prefer that you give a separate room for your kid, so you might find yourself hunting for a 3 room apartment. The cost difference between a 2 room and a 3 room apartment, especially in a place such as Munich or Frankfurt, is quite substantial. 

So to summarize, there can quite a few things that seem confusing if you are just starting in Germany, but if you keep the above mentioned points in mind, you could save yourself a lot of trouble and money. Do use the comments section for feedback on this article to make it better or correct info and to share your experiences in Germany or any other city for that matter.

Bye Bye 2014

The year is coming to an end and I thought it would be a good time to reminisce. On a personal front, year 2014 has been enlightening to say the least. After a big move, physically and professionally, I got to learn a lot of things about myself, and as a side-effect, those around me. A sort of ...introspection.. through the eyes of others. And unlike a few times in the past, I think that I have come out of this year a better man than I entered. And hey, I managed to lose 9 kg to get back to my pre-MBA days, so thats something on a positive note.

Talking about the world in general, 2014 is a crap year. I mean...an absolute crap year for everyone involved. To quote South Park, "..I learned something today.."  That no one in this world gives a damn about what you think unless what you think and feel affects them. A plane of 300+ people get shot down on a politically motivated agenda and no one has the balls to come forward with concrete evidence about the culprits and bring them to justice. And please don't tell me that in this day and age of espionage and spying, no one got any clue as to who brought the plane down. Western Europe won't push because hey..oil is involved! Hard to swallow, but money and power is everything in this mortal world.

So it's up to you to take control of who you are and do what's right for you. Of course, don't be the neanderthal asshole like the IS folks, they wouldn't know or understand god if he comes and bites in their asses. We have become too politically correct and even seem to ask permission from our own shadow to call a spade a spade. I mean, grow some fucking balls. (Not sure whats the feminine equivalent of this phrase, grow some boobs?)

And I know that 2015 will be worse in terms of world's well being than in 2014. And I for one, have made up my mind to get to know the best of the world until we all are infected by the global parasites of political correctness, terrorism, racism and other -isms.

The Life is Alright

I feel a blog post was due for a long time. I have just been moving into other direction, emotionally, compared to my usual self when I am thinking of writing a blog. I had to take a very important life and career decision to leave USA and to move to Germany (why Germany, plenty of reasons, probably in an another post). If you had managed to read my earlier posts, you might get that how much it meant for me when finally I was able to go USA for MBA. So to leave all that, all my friends here, and move to a country that doesn't speak English as first language, with no access to Netflix and college football, and no Five Guys burger and every other super-size concept, well it was definitely not easy. I decided on the move in February and I am surprised as to how much time I gave to think about it. It's probably what one calls "a decision made in an heart beat." One question I asked myself is, "will I get to do anything like this in the future." When the answer to it was a resounding "NO", I just decided to make the move. Should mention, the Government and people here sure made me feel welcomed.

It is definitely a good experience, the higher cost of living here definitely has made (or I should say, is making ) me a better money manager. Now am just looking forward to what Germany and rest of the Europe got to offer. Ever since my MBA got over, I feel like there is now no "hard" target to lookout for. I mean, yeah, I have money target, but for some weird reason, having more money just didn't make me feel fulfilled. It made me feel happy and accomplished but I seem to have found fulfillment in very strange things!

Right now I am trying to get settled into a routine and rhythm, and accustomed to language and culture. It is different from USA, and I think I am happy for that. But don't get me wrong, I definitely miss a lot of things in/about USA. (and yes, Chennai too, but that goes without saying). In my last post, I talked about how 2013 has been a year of milestones for me. Now I think I just work towards making every year a milestone year for some good reason. Already have a couple for 2014: moved to an European country AND got an European drivers license (and now your truly can drive in almost any EU country...to think just 3 years back I didn't even have an Indian driver's license!!). There just might be a mother-of-all-milestones milestone event soon, so keep checking out!

A good year comes to an end

Got to say that 2013 has been the loneliest of my years so far. So many goodbyes in such a little time. And not to mention that this is the first time I am spending New Year's eve without my friends and family; only Chinese takeout and Big Bang Theory to keep me company. I'd like to think that I have grown and matured a little in this year; if not 30 is going to be no fun for sure.

For me, this year has been the year of milestones; some very long term dreams came true and some didn't. It's not a matter of giving up, just that some of them came with an expiry date. I guess that's fine, at least it allows me to not dwell on the past and just move forward. In hindsight, I might be chided for calling 2013 the year of milestones. Do I know something? Of course not but hope springs eternal doesn't it?

I am happy that I got to try a few things for the first time this year, all to positive outcomes so far. I'm thinking of all the things I could try and all the resolutions that I could make (and fail miserably to keep up..hmpfh) but I think I am just going to to keep the things going and perhaps hope something good comes out of those endeavors.

I wish you all a kick-ass 2014 year ahead.

Dude where's my time

Perspective is a bitch. Blessed are those who are impervious to the incessant replays of their past, the ignorant fools who have no idea how close they were to their best dreams or worst nightmares coming true. How I envy them. Contrary to the popular belief that I am indeed one of the those ignorant fools, I do possess abundance hindsight. In fact, if I were a super hero, I would be Captain Hindsight and my super power would be hindsight, with a perfect 20/20 vision. May be I am a fool, to dwell on the past, the "what-if" s, the "almost" s, and the "may be" s. May be I am a fool, that I just can't let things do.

Why now? I like to believe it's the freakin' midlife crisis. For the past few weeks, actually a few months, my life path has taken a whole new trajectory on its own. Honestly, not even a single event was under my control. Most of it were under Mr. Murphy's but I digress. Since two and half years ago, I have been trying to carefully orchestrate every move of mine, only to have all hell break loose in the last 6 months. But here is the weird part. This lack of control is exhilarating; it's a kind of freedom  I haven't felt since the high school or early college days. And I guess that's why the nostalgia.

Time is indeed one true thing that you can never get back in return for all the riches of the world. Ironically, it is indeed one of the most wasted commodity too. I just feel like, somewhere, in the midst of my pursuit of education, career and some personal aspirations, I have lost some time along the way. As I said, perspective is a bitch. It's not that I am complaining about the time I have spend on my endeavors, truly they have made me the man I am today. The thing is, I just feel like I have lost some time, time that I should have had for myself. Based on my calculation its about two years.

I would say, with regard to where I am and where I would like to be, I am content. Just that I wish I was here 2 years ago, and may be had some time to burn just on me, before I get into the quagmire of living for those who are around me or dependent on me. I am told that's how life would be from now on. I am eager to see what's going to happen.

Unfinished Business

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know the journey I had to make about a good 6 years ago to obtain my MBA. It's been a while now, but I am extremely happy to share with you all that I have finally gotten my MBA from a US university. It all feels surreal now, the plans, the pains, the sacrifices, the disappointments, the failures, all for one success. And it's worth it. To a normal Joe, this is indeed a normal feat, of course every other Indian is now getting an international MBA. From outside, that's whats I would think too, but now that I have made the journey myself, I understand how it is; I understand what it means. And I wish to congratulate everyone who has accomplished it.

I made so many plans and calculations in the last 5 years. It is always wonderful when a certain plan bears fruition; it's good to be right. I love planning. But the problem was, I never planned what I would do after MBA. For me, getting to US to pursue MBA was the ultimate goal. Having accomplished that, I now am fiddling my thumbs what to do. Oh wait, job hunt. Well, that's a different story altogether.

But I do feel that there is some unfinished business in my life. It was great to have one goal and work towards that. But now I see it, my life is going to be a series of goals until my final breath. I am not sure whether I like it or not, I am sure this is the only way I am going to live my life. But I look back, and each new goal is comparatively harder to achieve than the previous one. May be my expectations have increased, may be I am thinking too much about myself or just may be I am fantasizing a bit too much; doesn't seem to matter.

The only problem (I am gonna get nicely for calling this a "problem" from "someone") is that my journey from now on might not be alone. Is this good or bad, I have no idea, having spent all of my existence in an "eternal bachelor" lifestyle. Or is this due to bad pick-up skills, I have no idea (Thank god for the arranged marriage!). Let's see how far I've come...let's see how far I'll go.

The uneligible bachelor

After an extremely demanding year of studies, work and travel, I finally got a chance to meet my family and friends after a year's gap. There's nothing like home. Chennai has changed so much but not the people. So far I  have spent a good amount of time catching up with relatives and friends. When you are 28 years old, more often than not, so are your friends. And more often that not, they have got a family of their own. Before, it was so easy to have dinner with friends. Now not so much. I am not afraid to say this out loud (I know my blog's patronage!). But I am extremely happy to see that the number of seats has increased at the table.

Having said that, the first question is always "so when is your time?" I wish I knew the answer. I mean, good luck trying to find a bride for an 28 year old unemployed student. It's not that people haven't been trying, but you got to admit, there aren't many options. And the "US-returned" tag aint worth much anymore. That's the problem of jumping late in the bandwagon. But if there is any teeny tiny good thing that has come out of this situation, it is this: I am not that scared of getting committed. Well, I am indeed afraid even now, but many of the fears and reservations that I had of getting into a relationship have kind of subdued now. Having said THAT, one should be extremely careful in getting into a commitment with the specimen that is Riaz. In fact, you don't have to look much beyond this blog to get an idea as to what kind of nut case I am. If you happen to know if someone's interested, please do warn them.

I can read you..well almost.

One of the oft-quoted wisdom goes something like this, "Don't forget how you were when you were nothing when you are someone." Many of us, including me, have been at fault sometimes of being "smug" when we should not have been. It's a human vanity.More often than not, it doesn't work. It shouldn't technically as we are trying to equate behaviors or two extremes. I tell you, people are drastically different than they are usually when they want something, something urgent and important. You would have had a few episodes of such situations both as an actor and as an observer. The behaviors that they portray normally are either amplified or nullified when they are nothing and in need of something. On the other hand, when the same person achieves what he wants, he ceases to be a ..er. dick? and starts exhibits normal behavior. Just like when someone's prayers are answered.

In my opinion, its unfair to consider their behaviors in those situations as benchmark. It is hardly. The benchmark should be when we are content. I believe that when we are content, we exhibit our normal behavior that should be considered benchmark. When we have nothing, we tend to be subservient in order to gain what we wish for. Long story short, I have come to realize that people are not as pleasant or as rude as they would be generally, as long as we don't need any favors from them.

Pause

Have you ever taken a break from a work such as folding your clothes or eating dinner in order to attend something and someone, and only to realize that the clothes aren't there anymore, or the food has vanished when you are back? Of course not. (But if you have, there are many talk shows willing to take that story). But life and its partner-in-crime time work differently. I have left my "laundry", but I think that it wont be there when I go back to attend it. A lot has changed in the past year, some for the good and some not. And that's how the life is, and one its of many vagaries that are beyond our control. The only thing we can control is us and our behavior and reaction to the situation.

Chennai isn't Chennai anymore. Not so long ago I could enjoy a leisurely ride, good food at reasonable price and a quite time at the beach. None of them is possible now; the landscape is unrecognizable now. And then the gang is broken, and whoever is left now has to work on their adjustment to the change: family commitments. And all the little ones are so grown up; "Riaz anna" is no longed required. Sniff sniff. (No, I am not smelling anything). And of course, I would have to get "settled" soon. Sheesh!

So the question becomes, do I redefine myself or try to make the best of those things that are still in tact? I'll tell you one thing; it's not easy to let go of one's past, especially when it has been one of the best rides I'll ever get. When I grew up, there was a pleasant sense of solidity to the future. You do something, and you can say pretty much confidently how you will end up. You could plan your entire life out, hell, you can even predict where your kids are going to school. Not so much now, there is cloud of unpredictability around the future now. You can't even be sure if you'll be in the same job one year from now!

I hate this phase, right now, this moment. I am 29 years old, but have always been a kid at heart trying to live and relive all the good things. I guess no more I could afford this luxury. Will I make something for myself or would I end up having a lifetime of mediocrity, I am not sure. What I am sure is, I'll soon have to make an important decision, may be many important decisions in which I have to decide what/whom to keep and what/whom to leave behind as I move on with my life. Because a few things, things that have been dear to me, HAVE to be collateral damage in the pursuit of life. And the worst part is, there is no going back. The mistake I will make, will stay a mistake forever, and I'll live to regret that decision for the rest of my life.

Perhaps this is the mid-life crisis that everyone is talking about, but I always thought that happens only when you are 40! I am really curious as to what I would write in my blog one year from now.

The wise guy

Getting older stopped being fun as soon as I turned 18 as pretty much anything I did after that age could have been done a tad sooner. I would have liked to have done what I did last year about 2 to 3 years earlier. Living alone, abroad and away from everything I have known, even for a short time, provided me a new perspective, and surprisingly, brought out a few qualities in me, qualities I thought I never had or bothered to look upon. In the past 1 year, I have lived and travelled alone, cooked, cleaned my house, paid utility bills, bought groceries, and so many other little things that I thought I would never have to be bothered ever. And I wished I had managed to do all that just a few years before. But I guess there is time and place for everything. I look at the year passed, and can't remember any other duration in which I had so many life altering experiences in my 28 years of existence. For someone who has never been away from family, or a stone's throw away from any of my friends, living alone so far away has made me to appreciate how blessed I am to have had them mould me into the man I am today.

The last year also marked a resurrection of the extemporaneous life, a way of living that I haven't been able to experience for sometime  now. For some years, I have always been a man with a plan, or plans in some cases, the kind of guy who likes to strike off the items from the list, the kind who knows what he is going to be doing even 7-8 months ahead. The last item on my list was study abroad. Now that is done, I am just living blissfully ignorant before I go about making a new list that is probably going to consume the rest of my living years. Planning for the future is not easy and it is definitely not fun. As you grow older, and if you are as old as I am, by this time you would understand what you can, or more importantly, what you can't do. And when you come to realize the things you can't or won't be able to do, it is a bittersweet farewell to them.

கிருக்கல்

நீ அழகின் மொத்தம் என்று சொல்லி
அந்த பரஹ்மன் வைத்தான் முற்று புள்ளி
உதட்டோரதில் மச்சம்.

(...inspired by a song and a person...)

Are you talking to me?

One of the pivotal moments in the Star Wars franchise is when Master Yoda recommends the Jedi council to not elevate Anakin Skywalker as a Jedi Master because Yoda had sensed darkness inside Anakin. Now how that pissed Anakin off, eventually leading to a series of events that makes him the Darth Vader is a segue to what I wish to talk about. My mind is fixated on the powers of Master Yoda, especially to read or at least discern  people's  thoughts and emotions. My wish is based on a simple necessity; many a time I wish I knew what someone is actually thinking even though what they say otherwise.


Since school, I have tried my level best to be a nice boy, always a teachers pet, always a pet to my friends' parents (much to my friends chagrin) and someone who could be an example. It was fine, when I was kid, I hanged out with other kids and they pretty much don't give a darn about all that. If they don't like you, they just tell it your face. When I was a kid, I knew who my friends and enemies were. And as I grew older, it became hard to know either of those. The problem with getting old is, the stakes become higher. We live in a society where a normal person just cannot afford to have enemies because our fights are not honorable, or we just don't fight fairly.  It is fine, and even "tactically right" to not let know what you think of someone. And its perfectly fine to talk to their backs. I am no psychologist, but I am sure we "civilized" humans avoid confrontation as much as possible. But I think we have some broken compass that points to standing-up and avoidance. Apart from the spineless existence that is accompanied by being a pussy, you are also left to be ridiculed in many permutations. You think you are safe? You are the one getting verbal bashing in your absence.


Many books have been written to identify certain ticks or "giveaways" in a person's that would help to read what he/she is thinking. But not many are gifted to that extent. Heck a few of us wouldn't realize if someone lies to our face, with a laugh track on the side and a card saying "you are a jerk." But sometime we do get to know when we are made fools. And when that happens, it leaves a bad aftertaste. So here I am, raising a toast, to all my enemies (you know who you are), for letting me know whats in your mind and what you think of me. Even though I don't like you, I respect you for what you are.

Yaaawn - 2

So I go back home tired just wanting to have some hot tea, and my mom comes out and says, "Ok Riaz I have found a girl for you." I jump right out of my slumber. So many different thoughts were going through my head. I can't get married now, I am not ready. I tell, "mom, whats the hurry now, I am just getting to start my career." "No Riaz, you are 29 now and its about time. Your dad and I have decided, and we think that this girl would be really suitable for you. We have almost finalized the alliance, and all I require from you is to say yes and we will proceed."

I started to sweat profusely. I wasn't ready for this. Given the fact that I am too old and fat to run behind a girl, I have resigned to the fact that my marriage will be arranged. I act as if I have a choice, I don't but that's a moot point now. I get all panicky every time I am reminded about marriage, or the concept of it. To be spending and sharing with someone, is indeed a weird thing for me. Heck, I don't even like to share my bed, how will I share my life. I am not a big romantic but I do like to know someone really well before I commit to that person. On the other hand, it would also behoove well for "that" person to know me well before she likes to commit to the specimen that is me. All my dear friends would vouch for the trial period, knowing my idiosyncrasies.

"Mom, don't you think that this is a bit hasty? I mean, whats the hurry now. You didn't even tell me that you had this thought!" "I have been saying this to you for years, and you never give due attention. I have decided. Now there is someone from girl's side here. If you have any questions you can ask." I scream, "are you crazy? You actually have someone here?!!! And you didn't even think of letting me know when I was I coming home." "Well, if I had told you before, you would not have come home", she told as a matter of fact. I thought, "oh well, thats true."

I am going to meet someone from the bride's side. Crap, "bride's" side, this is indeed really happening. In as much as I say anything, I am pretty sure that my parents (when I say parents, I mean my mom) have already made up their minds, and this would be THE family I would be entering into. I have always been appreciative of my mom. We come from a real conservative society, but she has always given me my freedom, keeping my interests first before anything and anyone else, thus being on the receiving side on quite a few family gatherings. When it is a norm for a guy to get married at 24-25 age in our circle, my mom let me do what I want with my career. She was really supportive of my intent to pursue higher studies, obvious, as she is the one who instilled the fire to gain knowledge ever since I was a kid. Almost everyone was against my decision to leave a plump job behind and go abroad to study amidst volatile economy, but my mom supported me, albeit with tears, as she knew what I want. Of course, mom knows the best.

But this, this is BIG. So I get into the bathroom first to freshen up, obviously, I'd at least try to make a good impression. I was still sweating, but I came out eventually, and mom took me to the living room where one of the soon-to-be "extended family" was waiting. "Riaz, this is...." I didn't pay attention to the name or anything else as I was busy trying to size up my "opponent." Probably a sister or cousin of the bride, I thought, definitely the one with more voice and inquisitive of the lot as lots of information had to go back to the headquarters where the parents and the bride are. She extended her hand, I just managed to blurt of an hi, still caught with the myriad of things inside my head. A wrong thing to do, I thought afterwards; I just came out a bit crude.

I told," You want to get out somewhere, probably to terrace or balcony where we can talk in private." I could see in my mom's eyes that she didn't approve of my request, but she kept to herself , so both of us came out. I felt as if I had just got out of a pressure cooker. There was so much I want to shout out. She looked at me and said, "momma's boy huh!" I got so angry. I said, "look you don't know me well enough to judge me. So please don't." "Ok, ok, I am sorry. I was just joking you know. So marriage uh. It is a big deal." I replied, "It is, thank you."

"Look, Your mom thought I could help you out and so I am here to answer any questions you have about the bride or our family. Don't consider me an outsider. Ask as if you'd ask a friend." After getting calmed a little bit, I asked, "look, you sound like a smart person. Do you think it is fair that such a big decision in my life is being made, and I am not even a part of it?" She said, "even your mom sounds to be smart. I think whatever decision she makes would be the right choice for you." I reply, "I know, I know. Whatever she has done has been for my benefit all these years. But this, this is just overwhelming. I mean to think that I would be spending the rest of my life with someone, that feeling is not sinking in. How would you feel if something like this happened to you?"

"I will be overwhelmed too. A lot in fact. But if I know that the person is nice, I would be eager to start my life again with him." Impressed, but I still had some doubts. Someone from family looks intelligent, hopefully the bride will be too. And then I just asked bluntly, "look you think it is fair that I'd have to say yes to this alliance, without meeting the girl. I'd love to talk to her, at least some, make sure that she likes me, don't you think that it's important?" She said, "It is very important indeed. But I think the girl would like you, I have no doubt." I retorted, "see people's preferences differ. Plus, I would like to ask that to the girl personally, not through any third party. And I have a few personal questions to ask to the bride too; know her well, or at least some." She replied, "That is perfectly fine. So go on, ask me." She smiled.

Suddenly, I understood the gravity of what she said, and comprehended the smile on her face. The feeling of confusion and stupidity was way too much to bear, and I just faintly remember coming back to my senses, with her name being the first question I asked.

And then I came back to senses for real. No doubt, I was sporting a smile the whole day. Finally I got to meet my dream girl. For real!

Based on a true dream, not so long ago. And it is not real. And it is not a true story. And I am not engaged (as yet). Sheesh!!!

Leap of thought

Huh..so just realized that I have 10 followers. Cum on, seriously!! You guys!!

So well, today is not just any other day to sit down and write down a post. Today is leap year day! This day is the "fields medal" day of or Earth. Given its scarcity, people should have made a big deal about this day as to doing something significant, something difficult or something impossible. Considering all the fuss about New Year's day that comes every year or Valentine's day (a.k.a depressing day of the year), this day is damp squib. Believe it or not, (some really old or obsolete) tradition in some parts of Europe has it that a woman may only propose to a man on leap years. (thanks to wiki!). But if you ask me what I did special for today, my answer is, absolutely nothing. But I am writing this blog, and I am pretty sure you have figured out that this ain't significant either. The title is just a testimony to the day, and not to the magnitude of value of thoughts. I have warned you. So read along if you got time to burn.

I am not a master of segue, so sorry for the abrupt transition. But my mind is. I was thinking about all the people who were born today, and how they get to celebrate their birthdays on the same date only once every four years (if they follow a solar calendar that is). Then my mind wandered to all the people who don't get to celebrate their birthdays at all for a variety. Now I got a bit sad. I always get sad on my birthday but that is because I got one less year to live, and I know that I am nowhere close to where I want to be. If you ask me where I want to be, my honest answer is I have no idea; I am like a wanderer. (But if the hiring managers for those companies to which I have applied for job or internship reading this, I am process oriented, goal driven and analytic.) Aaanyway, so I decided to watch a movie to burn off some time (to my MBA group members, I am doing this only after completing all  required assignments for the week). You can't speak out your mind nowadays! Sheesh!

So the movie was Zindagi na milegi dobara, a hindi movie, a new one, and apparently the last one I got to watch in theatre before leaving to US for my studies. It's a great movie to say the least. It is about three friends (if I had a nickel for every Indian movie that starred with "3 friends"), who get together after 4 years for one of the guy's bachelor party. They will go to Spain, and will participate in 3 sports, chosen by each of them. The movie is about how they go about doing it, the incidents that affect the personality and beliefs of each individual involved. It is a very breezy movie. You should check it out if you got a chance.

In that movie, one guy is a financial investment banker, second one is a builder & heir apparent of a large business, and third one is a writer. Needless to say, lot of these guys have money to burn (obviously, they have decided to have bachelor's party in Spain all the way from India!) So this investment banker guy, he was kinda lower middle class when he was young, had lost his father at a very young age, and so made his life to make himself well off in future. And he did. His flashbacks and majority of sequences are about how he gave importance to career (not to money directly), and stresses the value of money in every transaction of his life. I had to mention that he gives importance to career and not money as I think there is a subtle difference at least in my opinion. Money can be obtained in innumerable number of ways; it is at least admirable to think of obtaining it through one's career (in contrast to say....say stealing or as Frank Abignale Jr did..minting :-))

But his perception about all this would change when he gets to meet  a very lively, live-in-the-moment, and veryyyy pretty (Katrina Kaif) girl in the journey, and he falls for her (obviously) and decides that he would follow her in the journey (to Morocco) and not worry about his investment banking career. One of the "awwww" moments in the movie, and I remember a lot of audience talking about how they want to live a bit extra after the movie. I call it the movie hang over.

The friends would do three (not-so-recreational) sports in the movie: deep sea diving, sky diving, and bull run. My mind right, it is pretty fucked up; it does its own segue. I was like, okay, all is right, you don't want to worry about your career, you want to do all this crazy stuff with this new pretty girl you have just met. All expensive stuff. That's because you have got the money Mr. Investment Banker. A business class flight ticket from London (where he is from in movie) to Madrid airport is  a cool 1600 euros at least? Add to that the awesome villa they were staying, the expensive recreational sports and not to mention the impending journey to Morocco. You can't do all the bloody thing if you ain't got money. That's what I thought. I know!! In one of the scenes after deep sea diving, this girl would would ask him, "Why I saw tears in your eyes (this guy would be overawed after the experience). Were you ever in tears when you received your paycheque?" Smooth lines, but the reality is that it was this paycheque that helped him to have this experience and hence, the tears of joy.

I am not arguing that money buys everything; there are many many things I personally know that any amount of money cannot buy. But it is about the fact that glorifying certain things above money, but those that cannot be had if it weren't for the money. You cannot just live life by grazing around doing whatever you want. We humans aren't designed that way. Two or three times a day, we get a primitive feeling that almost suppresses every other reaction; hunger. When you are hungry, you got to eat, and to eat..well you know where I am going.

The reason I am saying this is that I have seen many people get absolutely carried away with the message of of the movie, or with those innumerable posts I get to see now on facebook walls.
But I am digressing. This post is for the normal folks -- the average Joes, Moes and well...anyone. Just because you had an epiphany to have fun in your lift, you cannot and shouldn't leave everything behind. It is finicky and cowardly. Take everything you see/hear with a pinch of salt. It is understandable that you want a break, you want to go away. Everybody feels that. But not everyone is in the same capacity to do it. Imagination has no limit, and that's why it's a bitch. But you got to understand your reality.

Yaaawn.

Ever since my last outrageous dream-slash-nightmare only to not remember that in full after I woke up, I told myself that as soon as I wake up from a similar experience, I would note it down and may be start a chronicle of sorts. Today was one of those days, and I thought I'd give you a glimpse as to what is happening inside my head, even when I am not aware of it.

Ok...so I have to skip the first episode, as it is, well, between someone and me, so I'll jump to the  next one.

This one, is straight out of a Spielberg Movie. So I was in this airport with my friends in Chennai. But this ain't the Chennai airport. In fact, even the best of the international airports I have seen don't come close to whats about to happen inside this airport. First of all, like all dreams we have no idea where were we before the airport episode. Second, I have no idea why are we there; we sure didn't receive anyone at the airport. On a passing note, two guys I knew loooooong time back were just coming back to Chennai from abroad. Weird thing is neither of them were in US and neither of them stay at Chennai. But it is a dream, so anyway. And then, the most outrageous thing happens. From the top, something like small satellites drop down, dozens of them. They don't fall on the floor at once, but hold themselves in suspension until the people underneath them clear, and then gently fall on the floor. Now my friends immediately look to hold on to something, and so does everyone else. Before I ask them why they do that, the entire airport stretch elevates, something akin to an open bridge when a ship goes underneath. This makes the satellite-like things to go to the corner, or almost, until the floor is held inclined. And when everything is settled, people just went to one of those satellite thing, opened it and took something. My friends and I went to the one near us, and we opened it. Guess what was in it? Apparently, it contained the food that we ordered (in the distant past of the dream that is now very vague). I was like.."whoa..cool." And of course, I went on to gorge on brownies (no guess needed to know who ordered that one!)

Now back to reality, I woke up to my alarm at 6:00 AM. Feeling just so lazy after a long day yesterday and decided to go back to sleep...just for a little while. And now the part 2 starts..almost immediately I went back to sleep.

So I am back at the airport, but somewhere at basement here you have this hugeee shopping complex (Chennai airport would be so cool if it were this) and I seem to have lost my friends. As I am going through the shops, there this flagrant transvestite, who starts to hit on me. I was like running away from him/her, and before even I realize I am being stalked and chased. I start running away like crazy, I get out of the airport apartment and then fly out to the streets. It is about 8 PM in the night I guess, judging by the thickness of city traffic. As I am in the process of searching my friends, I see them at the end of the street where. Before I call out to them, one of my friend (Ram) calls out for me "Riaz Gaffooooor." Weird, why would any of my friends call me using that name...but again it is a dream. And then suddenly, one guy who was in the vicinity, catches the shirt of my friend and asked, "did you mean RIAZ GAFFOOR? I am searching for him, where is he?" And at that moment I come to the scene, and this guy takes a piece of log that lay nearby and says, "I have been searching you for so long." Before I even comprehend what the hell is happening, we are surrounded by couple of dozen people armed with all sorts of non-ammo tools (Chennai style). I was like, dude why?, and then he says, "remember sometime back you threw a ball back in this street to a group of people who were playing. The ball you threw hit one of our friend's arm and that lead to a blood clot which lead to a complicated heart condition with which he now has to live for ever." I was like, dude. Now I get a flashback within my dream (oh yeah!), and I now remember what I did. Coming back to my senses --in the dream that is-- I asked to talk to the person whom I apparently inflicted the injury upon. That person came -- I swear I had seen him before -- and said to him, "Man, I didn't mean it." He was like, "yeah it is alright, these guys are just making a big thing out of it." He then talked to the crowd and all was well.

Not sure how much had elapsed after that, now I was somewhere, I think it was in one of my friend's place. We are planning a birthday party, and we are in the process of inviting the rest of the gang. And then flash forward, I am reading Business Process Management, which incidentally happened to be the last one I read before going to sleep.

And then I wake up from the slumber, it is now 7:00 AM and I hurry to get ready for a long Monday.

It's definitely a different feeling to jot down what I had dreamed about. I feel that there are so many of my characteristics are evident from most of these episodes, like how much I miss my friends and hanging out with them. Rest, I have no explanation!! 1 to 10 on outrageous scale, this one is probably at 3-4 ish level. I have had 9s and 10s in the past, and I wish I had remember more of them for they would have made some of the best stories.

The Indian Protocol

I have been harboring this feeling for some time, but it exploded when I was watching Mission Impossible 4: The Ghost protocol movie. So much has been said and written about the role of Anil Kapoor, an INDIAN, who has supposedly a plum role in the movie. Now we all know that's not true but that is not the source of my irritation. For some reason, we are unable to shake off the inferiority complex even after decades of Independence. Not sure if it is due to the way we look through our imaginary green tinted glass, or the "color" complex, or it is just how we are raised by parents and in schools -- to be respectful and humble. For me, there is a difference between humility and bending-over.

I personally have witnessed and heard about harrowing biases against Indians in our very own India. My friends were made to wait, or even overlooked, to entries into bars when the foreigners have just walked past them. Or it is the first-class service they always seem to get when they are in hotels, when we were treated like a third class citizen. I could give you a thousand examples as to how we were very much obsessed with everything foreign so much so that we were ready to put down anything “Made in India.” Earlier it was only the inanimate objects; unfortunately, not anymore. I’d be lying if I say that prejudices don’t exist anywhere apart from India. They do, but as far as I know, no one puts down their OWN race to talk better about others. To say that it sickens me is an understatement.
There is nothing wrong being an Indian! We are more than a billion people, so statistically speaking we would have a lot more assholes than many countries’ population put together. But let’s not generalize that all of us are backstabbing hypocritical idiots. It takes a collective approach to change this mindset; one person thinking or doing differently will not improve this situation. In fact, he or she would be brow beaten yielding to the eventual peer pressure.

So why after MI4? So much have been blown out of proportions by our stupid media as to how this IS the break that Bollywood (the Indian Film industry) has been waiting for to get into Hollywood mainstream. Many touted as this is the next best thing after ARR’s Oscar. Fine, it is the current media’s responsibility to put journalism ethics to shame so I’ll leave it at that. But the damn audiences in the movie theatre, they pissed me off to no end. Getting to act in the most awaited move of 2011 is indeed a big deal, yes, but please do not say that this is the biggest moment in his career. It is as if ridiculing his milestones such as Ram Lakhan and Mr. India. And to go on to say that Rajnikanth didn’t get his big a chance! The nerve! I ask them tell one actor –living or dead – who will be able to pull as many people as he can.

Don’t belittle our very own people, people. We Indians are getting “bounced off” almost everywhere around the world. We deserve respect at least in our own country.

Staying Alive

Within a span of just four months into my pursuit, I have made more mistakes than I have made for as long as I could remember. Blame it on the break-neck fast paced life with no excuses for errors. Thats the MBA life, thats the professional life, but I have learnt so much from them, where each time I did/do something stupid, I took a time-off to reset my life. This is not the story, like that Chetan Bhagat's book, these are not the mistakes of my entire life, as I have been into bigger unmentionable shitholes, but they are making me to live, and not letting me to live. Contradictory..well I am a Gemini!

Four months, four mistakes, three of them are my own fault, one of them, perhaps that could be the most profound, it is not my fault...or thats what I think. But it is not anyone's fault either, but it is still a huge problem for me. But for the other three problems, there is a common theme running through it. "I can handle anything." Trust me, that wasn't the story until the last 5 years, some freak incident changed my belief system. From a guy who was always nervous and worried about anything and everything, I became someone who believed that everything happens for good,..worse..that I could get out of any pickle. Now thats all and fine, but problem started when I subconsciously let most of the situations get into a pickle because I kept thinking...well..to quote Barney Stinson.."I am Awesome."

Apparently, I am not...at least not as awesome BS is. BS here is Barney Stinson...clever huh. When I asked myself, why I shouldn't make mistakes, my mind posed me a different question: "Why aren't people trying to make mistakes. " The mistake here, which I should clarify, will affect oneself and not the others. A doctor or a  judge shouldn't make an error in his profession. But the kind I am talking about, only you are affected. Now that I have clarified, let me move on.

Almost everyone I know, is so scared of mistakes. No one wants to be around them. No one wants to admit them. No one wants to try them. It is so very true, that you learn a lot from your mistakes. You can be luckily correct. But you are never wrong by luck. There are others who fret about their mistakes and let them be defined by'em. There are others, who accept that they have made a mistake and move on. And then there are the successful bunch, who commit, admit it, learn from it, and try to not repeat it. History has taught that they have done well. Try out new things. As I always say, there is only one way to find out whether something will actually work; by actually doing it. Try it, the journey is exhilarating. The more mistakes you make, the more confident you get about yourself. Your mistakes is the testimony that you believed in yourself and decided to bet on yourself. if you can't do that for yourself, don't expect anyone else to do it for you.

Aaaaand then the fourth category, those who seem to make the mistake coz well, they can. Yours truly is dabbling with the fourth category now.May be, I am trying to compensate for the insanely boring guy I have been since I was a kid. I have begun to explore, and the more you want to do, the more you make. It is indeed stupid to repeat them, but given the sheer number of stupid things I am doing, they repeat. They aren't identical...but they are similar. Now I am intentionally not specifying what mistakes I had made so far, definitely not the fourth! But that has been the most memorable and most exciting mistake so far. My mistakes, the results of my escapades, my penchant to look "over-the cliff", and my itch to look on the other side, have made my life in this new country more memorable and fun.


P.S:
As I am writing this blog, I got out of the first one. I am awesome...

Stupidonymous

I love my name a lot...it is short and sweet (??). Easy to remember, and as I found in many cases, it is also easy to pronounce even by people not from the same cultural background. But when they ask what my FULL name is, that is when the trouble starts.

You see, till my tenth grade, my name had gone under a multitude of evolution (no numerological or astrological reasons btw) to get to a point where I can write my name with a constant spelling, and took painstaking measures to have the same name in all school records. From Md. Riaz -> Mohd. Riyazudeen -> Mohamed Riazudeen -> Mohammed Riyazuddin -> Mohammed Riazuddin. This name was great, I thought, and I begin to practice my signature with this specific spelling with my dad's initials A.G. (the reason behind my "silver") at the front. Things were fine, not so much so when I appear for the exams (think CAT), where I had to shade my full name in all those ovals. But it wasn't until I wished to apply for passport my troubles started. You know that the passport requires a last name to be filled. In our community, there is no concept of last name. A person just has a name, with no links whatsoever to the family name, mother's name, dad's name or whatever. We were never the "Mr. & Mrs. Sharma" types. So when I required a last name, I went the "western" way by expanding my initials and putting them after my name. Got the passport as "Mohammed Riazuddin Abdul Gaffoor" a name with 32 characters  including space, the significance I didn't realize until I got my job at Verizon.

It seems like many of the systems have a limit of 30 characters for name. So at VZ, I was given Mohammed as first name, Riazuddin as last name, with Abdul as middle name. Even my id card said I was "Mohammed" and I was being called by that. It was very different at the start, as in my then 22 years of existence, I was never addressed as Mohammed. So every time I was addressed as such, I took the pain to correct then and there.."hey you can call me riaz." But over the period of time, all was well, and since I made many "public appearances" my peers knew how to call me.

All was well, until I started to apply for colleges in US. Again the problem, I was called as Mohammed. What's worse, my name started to get cut as my whole name wasn't fitting in many of the application systems. I was Mohammed somewhere...Riaz...or just Abdul Gaffoor. I heaved a huge sigh of relief when my university (UGA) began asking whats my preferred name is, and I very happily replied, "Riaz."

Problem over, no! In my SSN, my name was cut, Riazuddin became Riazudd...and only god knows where these details would be propagated. Add to that, while introducing to my peers, I go, "hey my name is M..R...A..G.. but you can call me Riaz." I lost them at "M...." Then one day came where I had to give what name I wanted to put on my business cards and resumes, and after much deliberation (unfortunate people who were with me when I deliberated know how bad it was) of Mohammed Riazuddin, Riaz Abdul Gaffoor, AG Mohammed Riazuddin, Superman(??), ...I FINNALLYY became Riaz Gaffoor. This ain't my official name as that is still what is in my SSN, but for everything else, the US will now know me as Riaz Gaffoor. Sorry mom, sorry dad, but you shoulda asked me what name I wanted before you kept one!

Rumination

• Tried unsuccessfully to fit my 27 years of existence in 2 bags. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Bid a final goodbye to my erstwhile home. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Walked away from the airport visitors counter to a place after which I would be so far away from my dear parents and friends. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Boarded the plane with a very heavy heart for a long journey. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Called home after landing in Franfurt, asked whats for dinner, only to realize that I won't be there. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this."
• Landed in Atlanta Airport. Waiting for the bags to come on the belts, and after getting them, momentarily waited subconsciously to check whether there is anyone for company. Realized that I am all alone, walked towards a shuttle to Athens, saying to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
•  Moved into my apartment, my empty apartment, and slept on the carpet floor amidst bugs and roaches. Said to myself, "Can't believe I am doing this...". (Bought a sleeping bag immediately)

There are a few other things here that cannot be mentioned...but the last two weeks in my life I have been doing certain things that I never thought I would in my lifetime. This new life is scary, exciting, interesting, fast, lonely -- all at the same time. The only thing I keep hoping is that my time away from family and friends is compensated by the experiences I have here. Thankfully, so far, everything has been more than adequate compensated BUT I still miss you mom, dad, and my dear friends. I'll see you soon....

Count your friends before you hatch.

"How many friends do you have?" If someone had asked this question at various stages in my life, I would have given varied answers. Around 150 -- when I was in middle school, about 50 -- when I was in junior high, about 20 -- when I finished school. I am not talking about the status the facebook gives to the contacts in the network. I am talking about those, who stood through thick and thin, mostly thin, over the years. Now you honestly tell me how many of those you know will you tag as "friends." The count has more or less remained constant to this day. In the first 15 years of my life, I had met 90% of people who would be my life long friends no matter what. Even if I get to meet any of them after a decade, I bet we would still talk in the way we used to do. On the other hand, I have been a lot more uncomfortable with certain people with whom I had to share my daily existence in the near past.


I always tell that it is so easy to make friends while one is a kid. There are almost no requirements to become friends with someone; same pencil box - Friends!, same school bag - Friends, near by - Friends. In fact, the reasons to become enemies with someone is as silly and as irrelevant as it is to become friends with one. The favo dialogue I grew up with: "missss, he is pinching me." We became friends and enemies LIKE THAT.When I was in school -- kinder garden and middle -- my classmates were either my friends or enemies. There was no middle line. I knew everyone, likewise, everyone knew me. We were innocent, laughed at the most innocuous of the jokes, played harder than ever, collectively afraid of our teacher, and stuck together -- no matter what. We never asked anything from each other. It didn't matter who was someone's father, how much lunch money he/she had, whether he/she looked good, or if the person had enough potential to succeed.

It amazes me how little we do nowadays to keep in touch with our friends. Yes, I am talking about this time -- the era of SMSes, googles, facebooks, twitters and what not. It is now appropriate to wish someone's birthday or anniversary via a scrap or on a wall; and its not just for those who are abroad or in a different city. I feel that we are sometimes forced to choose friends who happen to be near us just to keep us sane and safe from the grip of loneliness and depression. And this makes us to act in a way we are not used to or not supposed to. (A hyberbolic treatment of the same point in one of my earlier posts.) I wonder why has it become so difficult right now to make and keep friends. Nowadays I feel that relationships are formed on the basis of convenience. And it ends as soon as the location or any other scenery changes. Nobody seems to stick with anyone "till death do them part." A hundred friends on facebook or orkut, but no one to talk to when in need. Gone are the days when friends come to someone's home just for an aimless banter going for hours.

I ramble because I get a feeling that I will be away from my friends -- for a long time. If there has been one constant in my 27 years of existence, apart from the usual suspect a.k.a family, it is my friends. I can bet, you take every possession I have, my bank balance, my inheritance, anything -- and I can earn almost all of them back, and then some more. But if you take my friends, I am not sure if I would be able to find at least one who is of the same caliber. No offense, but you've got to meet them and you'll know that its an understatement.

I dedicate this post to all of my estranged friends with whom I now have little or no contact.

அழிவி னவைநீக்கி ஆறுய்த்து அழிவின்கண்
அல்லல் உழப்பதாம் நட்பு.

(Friendship from ruin saves, in way of virtue keeps;
In troubled time, it weeps with him who weeps.)