Who let the aliens out..who who who

I was watching the movie "Independence day" today, after feeling so bored to go to office (I eventually did after the movie ended). I bet I would have seen it scores of time, but it still never fails to enthrall me. Very vividly remember the first time I watched this movie, in theater with my uncle and my brother. The movie is amazing, especially the story line about how the aliens come to Earth to exploit its resources. Sounds unique, oh wait, the same thread is spawn across many movies such as Terminator series, Transformers, etc. The concept is simple. After having exhausted all of their resources, the aliens try to subjugate other living organisms across galaxies for the benefit of aliens' race.

Perhaps as shown is terminator series, these aliens would leech on humans' energy for sustainability. Perhaps they would utilize all of our water without leaving anything for future generations. Perhaps they would rape the earth for all its minerals. Perhaps they would cut down all the trees so that they could make more energy. Perhaps they would use all of their power to establish a potent race that will establish its dominance across earth. Or they would just trash our Earth for the fun of it. Sometimes they don't even have to come in hordes in space-ships, perhaps just a seed from space is enough to cause enough catastrophe. This has been the recurrent theme of many a good and bad movies which have come from the Hollywood's stable. Why am I suddenly talking about aliens you may ask. I just happen to read some news articles about Stephen Hawking, and how he doesn't wish we humans establish contact with aliens. When you just think the story has gone too far, you should actually read about a rebuttal made by some guy about how aliens are already among us!!

Leaving aside the notions of religion, God and other super/extra/pseudo-natural forces for a minute, let me consider the facts as suggested/perceived/proven by scientific community and commonsense. I feel that many of my aforementioned presumed activities of alien community have already been diligently carried out by humans. Utilize all of our water without leaving anything for future generations, Check! Leech on fellow humans' work for sustainability, Check! Rape the earth for all its minerals, Check! Cut down all the trees so that we could make more energy, Check! Use power to establish a potent race that will establish its dominance across earth, Check! Trash our Earth just for the heck of it, Double Check!

Wait, here comes the interesting part. It has been suggested that the organic form on Earth could have come from asteroids when they crashed into earth. Very recently, scientists have discovered an icy asteroid which they said could throw some light about the formation of water and other life forms on Earth. Taking this argument into consideration, the seeds for mankind could very well sown from outer-space. Of course we immediately didn't grow big, perhaps we took millions of years, but for the omni-presence Time, million years is nothing. Just a seed from space is enough to cause enough catastrophe, oh you bet, Check! Perhaps aliens are already here, and it could very well be US (US as in "us" and not United States). Yep, we humans are the aliens. I am not sure even the real "aliens" would be capable enough to cause as much destruction to Earth as we do.

So the day went fine; saw a good movie, had a decent time at office, and produced a counter-theory to Stephen Hawkings'. Not too shabby I guess ;-)

Whats life about anyway...

42. The answer by Deep Thought to the question "Ultimate question of Life, the Universe, and Everything" to the hyper intelligent, pan-dimensional beings. Unsatisfied, these creatures ask for a meaningful answer, and Deep Thought suggests that it will build a super computer that could provide one. And Deep Thought built Earth, only to be destroyed by Vogons before anyone could extract the answer to the ultimate question. This, the theme of Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, is a light-hearted parody of humans for their search to find the meaning or purpose of life. How comical it may be, this book vividly describes the obsession we have in finding the answer to the ultimate question.

There are two types of people in this world; one who searches for the answer his entire life, and the other who assumes the answer and tries to spend his life accordingly. Apparently, religions say that there is a third type of people who actually do know the answer, but that is a different story and lets not get into that. So then, what is the meaning of our existence? Is it to prostrate before God and thank Him for the gift of life as the religions preach? Is it to attain the ultimate knowledge and use it for good as Aristotle, Plato and Kant concurred? Or is it just to wake up every darn day and try to do the same things all over again? It is actually this question which keeps us alive consciously. Imagine that if I know my purpose of life is to watch a Manchester United match at Old Trafford on December 12th 2016, will I bother about anything else? My example may be comical, but my argument is not.

It is said that the ones who managed to escape from the 9/11 attacks on twin towers are those who helped others to cross the road, waited to tie their shoes, and decided to skip a crowded train. Not to sound preachy, but what is there to our life if we don't bother to enjoy all the small things. For me life is definitely not a race. For me, life is like taking a gentle walk along the seashore, with my friends and family beside. I don't give a tiny rat's ass if I manage to come before or after anyone. I may not finish the race, but hell, I would have experienced a lot more than the guy who just kept on running only to roll over and die at the end without seeing the finishing line. There are two types of people in this world. I belong to the second type. My answer to the ultimate question? I exist so that I can feel the love around me. I love, therefore I am.

Many people have problems, worries and what not. Most of us, including me, try to look for God only when we are in a quandary. And we get so darn pissed at Him for not being there at that crucial time. If God were to solve all our problems when we pray, then what is the purpose of OUR existence. I believe that the answer to this question is never meant to be found, at least in our life on Earth (or to any other planet to which we may go in future). As someone who was close to me used to say, the real fun of life is to expect the unexpected. Enjoy the journey of life, as it tells you so many stories, and perhaps, just perhaps, if you bother to listen to them keenly, you might find that your life has been telling you the answer to the ultimate question all along!

And the best actor award goes to...

"All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players..."
-by William Shakespeare in "As You Like It"

Shakespeare used this monologue to portray the various stages of womanhood in his play. However, this phrase of his is now often quoted to show how fickle humans have become. Each of us, more often than not, has to act to pass everyday of our existence. From waking up next to an unfaithful spouse, putting on a smile to the vagaries of an undeserving boss, agreeing to the whimsical perceptions of the society, and sacrificing the life for unappreciative children, we seem to wear a different character to help us get out, or at least maintain our sanity. Perhaps not many would accept a person for exactly what he his. Parents wish their kids study a bit better. Spouses hope their partners are a bit understanding. Our whole life seems to revolve around a ten letter word. Compromise. If I ask you the question "when was the last time you were yourself for on full day"? And if you happen to think really hard to answer, just sit back and think about the direction in which you are taking your life. Exactly, how deserving are our fellow actors to have our identity sacrificed for them? This question was asked to me by my conscience very recently. With my right brain displaying soap opera-esque emotion to this riddle, my left brain gently patted it and said "I'll take it from here."

According to my left brain, my analytical and logical syndicate, respectfully disagrees. The "acting" is our only ally in helping us to wither the everyday storm a.k.a our daily life. Ever since the collapse of the mythological "tower of babel", we humans have always struggled to communicate. Humans invented languages and customs which enabled them to pass a few thousand years of existence without much fuss. Then came the renaissance, then industrial and now we are in the nuclear age. Now it is not enough to communicate. To use the business term, we must communicate "effectively." And all of it need not be acting. For so many years people have grown up with their own customs, and for us to know them better, we have to come to a common ground. This is where "acting" helps. We are not changing our self, but merely performing a part for a specified amount of time so that both us and others could derive maximum benefit of our meeting. And after this specified time, we need not be acting at all. My left brain concludes that instead of considering acting as a noun which means "performing a role", consider "acting" as an adjective which means "serving temporarily especially as a substitute" as in "the acting President."

"Objection your Honor", interrupts my right brain, my source of impetuousness, imagination and emotion. Oh by the way, I am the "honorable" one. As per right brain, in the current fast moving world, we have to put on so many acts together, which sometimes even overlaps; we really do not have time to "clear the makeup." In fact, we become so tired of changing we decide to stay with the character(s) we portray for some time. And invariably, the time to remove the makeup, the masks and the costumes never comes. We end up being someone else for the rest of our lives.

Both my left and right brain look at me expectingly (and respectfully :D) for my verdict. Well, honestly I agree and disagree with both of them. There really can't be a black or white about this as the world we live in is far from ideal. We might have to rely on both of them to help us tread on this gray path. The right brain, which I consider to be white for its pure emotional thinking, and the left brain, the black for its cold calculation and practicality, mixing together to help us. Perhaps that’s why the gray matter in brain is called "gray" matter, a proper mix of black and white. There is a reason why we are the most advanced (known) species; we evolve, with the help of our gray matter. Personally, I always like to give a chance. Initially, I had let my right brain to guide me, and many a time I got hurt in trying to understand what people are really about. But those who saw me beyond all that have remained my close to me. And now, my left brain helps me to quantify these results and store them in a safe place as "experiences" so that next time I come across one such role, I am well prepared to play my part. However, I myself don't change; I just project myself in a way the rest will like to see. I am not acting; I am merely performing an illusion. What about you?

Rise of the machines

Philosophers, beginning as early as Aristotle, have attempted to describe the process of human thinking as the mechanical manipulation of symbols. Thus started our obsession to build a machine that would imitate the sapience of "Homo Sapiens", or more specifically the central network which imitates the brain function, the Artificial Intelligence. Billions of dollars in research, novels, movies etc have been put in motion to just get a glimpse of vision as to what these machines could do to our world. Many of them spell doomsday (AI, Terminator series, I robot etc) if such machines were to get out of the human control. Now, why would an invention, or a device, which is designed by us, whose rules are hardcoded in the electronic circuitry or in neural networks, would decide to overthrow us and rule the earth? The cliched answer is, the machine's primary aim should be to protect its master. Now who could be the enemy of the humans, apart from humans themselves. So machines destroy all humans. Luckily for us, such a machine which can think of its own hasn't been invented, or if it has been, the governments have done a decent job of keeping it safe from us.
But I believe, we have already heralded into this "artificial intelligence" era. Or to say it precisely, we have always had artificial intelligence around us. Artificial Intelligence, not withstanding the fancy explanation many books provide, is simply what it means; artificial...intelligence. The intelligence part is that a machine could evolve by having new experiences and learning from its mistakes, which it can then use to make a correct decision in future. If this is indeed what is artificial intelligence, then I would say that such a machine is much more natural than what a human could ever be.
Generalizing...we humans, at least most of us, never learn from our mistakes. We do not try to find what is right or wrong. Neither we try to find the voracity of the facts, nor we think for ourselves. How have we allowed a few "natural" thinkers to take control of our bodies and minds! These few natural thinkers or to use the derogatory term, manipulators, have managed to make our mind think in terms of symbols, the symbols which they have created. Now each manipulator has have us tagged to a particular symbol, and hence, we have become the stereotypes of his/her symbol. Politicians, teachers, artists, parents...they all have learned to manipulate the symbols which we ought to think for ourselves. From a U.S. soldier waging war against Iraq because his head of the government had a dream, from the Shiv Sainiks who bully the public for their ideology, from a terrorist who blows up people for his/her religion, from a common man turns his face to all these horrors...there are just so many "from"s... I really don't know how to end the sentence with a "to." The "natural" thinkers have their obsesion for money, power and passion, and they make their stereotypes believe that they could also have a slice. Invariably, the most passionate of the followers who predominently happen to be in the bottom rung of the command chain, never get any. All they experience is broken promises, broken limbs and broken lives.
Why are we so hesitant to think for ourselves? Why even to buy a dress for ourselves to cover our body with our own money, we need to ask the opinion of our friends? Why are we so obsessed in making sure that what we believe is what others' believe too? Why are we so paranoid about being always right all the time that we have gone to an extent where we are ready to kill others to prove what we believe is correct? We kill each other because we think what our masters think is correct. The machine's primary aim should be to protect its master. We are, the machines. We are controlled by our masters. No wonder the governments so want to keep the development of a machine with complete AI under wraps. Because a perfectly rational thinking AI will eventually own us all, including the natural thinkers. After all, to err is human.

Pyaars'r possible

Brain is definitely the best database management system around. Those associated with database or commonsense will know that an index is useful to pinpoint the information we require to retrive from vast amounts of data. A few of us use techniques such as mnemonics and what not. But all of us, well almost, use the universal indexing mechanism, EMOTION. You associate an event (seeing, listening, hearing etc) with an emotion, and bam! it gets fixed on to your brain. One of the main reasons why woman are good in remembering things, albeit most of them unwanted. Brain's subconscious part is pretty much like the RAM of computers. Anything that needs to be done quickly and spontaneously is kept over there. But to get into this subconcious area, the information has to move through the conscious area. Remember when you learnt cycling? First you know when you apply the brakes, and after practice, you just apply without even knowing or thinking about it.
Unfortunately for us, when we are in Love, the practice and emotion go hand in hand. Every thing we see we try to associate with our partner. "She loves vanilla ice cream. He is so handsome in blue. I love her when she lifts her eyebrows..." Brain realizes that we are thinking only about one object (our partner) all the time. So in order to retrive the data about this person quickly, it builds bridges across memory cells, the neurons. Are you listening to a song which is her favorite? Are you eating a food which is her favorite? Is the next phone call will be hers? The more you think about your partner, stronger the bridges become. Now you are thinking so much about your partner, you brain replaces information in old unused memory cells with your partner's. So whenever your brain tries to look into head for any information, it invariably comes across at least one information about your partner. It's like Starbucks or Bajaj Pulsar. They are everywhere!
All izz well, and then, TADA, you people break up. Poor you, most of your head is occupied, literally, by your partner's thoughts. Drinking water? Your brain tells your partner likes warm water. Wearing blue shirt? Your brain recalls numerous times when your partner has commented how good you look in blue. It is all because of these darn bridges!!! Any action of yours, if associated with the partner's bridge, will remind you of him/her. Unfortunatey, if you were in a deep relationship, almost every action would be. Your brain is under stress which makes your hormones go haywire. Unable to eat, drink, sleep, think? BLAME IT ON BRIDGES.
So, coming to one of the most asked question in the world. "How do I get over my ex?" Zillion books have been written, numerous movies have been made, and quite a number of lives have been lost, all in search of the answer. The answer, is simple, break the bridges. How to do it? Make new thoughts. Old partner cells will eventually be replaced with new thoughts, it is Darwin's theory after all. Thus emotional people will always find it difficult to get over than the practical ones.
Another easy way is to make thoughts about a new partner. The 'fast track' types. Move on! This is definitely the faster approach. Mix praticality with this approach, you will find being called a stud if you're a guy, a slut if you are a girl.
This blog is inspired by one of the events from my novel-in-writing.

Ways in which you shouldn't try to woo - Part 1

This is my first of the “love series” which I plan to write. More advanced scenarios will be found in my novel-in-working, which unfortunately is out of public eyes for the moment.
SERIES-1: Ways in which you SHOULD NOT try to “woo”. APPLICABLE FOR GUYS ONLY.
Woo: - Definition: seek as romantic partner
Other synonyms: make advances, propose, pursue, run after etc

Action: Trying to show-off your stamina by running a marathon in shorts worn over your pants, and folding up your pants under your shorts. (You think you don’t have time to change, think again!)
Result: During your run, the pants will slowly fold down and come below your shorts. You won’t be able to finish the marathon. You’ll be half way down the track trying to hold your breath, with a jersey shorts over your pants. If no one makes fun of you, well, actually there is no escape. Everyone will.

Action: Trying to join a tuition class because your “other half” is studying there.
Result: You’ll find that you aren’t the first person do so. Invariably, you will always be the dorkiest, ugliest and stupidest guy in line for her in the class. So instead of just fading away in obscurity, you’ll be butt of many jokes among the girl and her cohorts.

Action: Trying to help in her assignments by doing it yourself. You aim to get some brownie points.
Result: You’ll become the “brother she never had.” You’ll find calling her dad “uncle.” Her kid brother will call you by name. Her mom will tell you to buy cucumbers from grocery store.

Action: Dropping her off at her home after college or office. You aim to be become a routine in her life.
Result: When she actually elopes with the person of her choice, who is not you (duh!), you will find at the receiving end of questions from her parents, relatives, ex-boyfriends, and police.

Action: Seeing titanic together. You aim to get into her “inner-zone” in her heart during the mushy moments.
Result: You’ll be crying during half of the movie, and you’ll give her a chance to see what a wuss you are. Not only that, you’ll also end up being compared with Di Caprio in boyfriend quotient, even though she is no Kate Winslet. Good luck!

Action: Cursing, humiliating and bossing your kid brother in front of her to show who the boss in your home is.
Result: A tip. ALWAYS KEEP THIS IN MIND. Girls love younger brothers, either theirs or someone else’s. Her opinion of you has gone below than the dirt in her shoe.

Action: Wishing her exactly at 00:00:00.00000 on her birthday. You think it is a killer task to get into her (heart/pants whatever)
Result: Guys. Remember. She is always, and I repeat, ALWAYS expecting a call from someone other than you. So when you are the FIRST guy to call her, the reply will be “HEYY THANKS. Hey I got a call on other line. Talk to you tomorrow ok.” Invariably, the tomorrow-talk never happens until you initiate. You know what that means! Yes, you are a “nobody.”
Tip: Call her in normal time. In that way, you are sure to get some valuable talk-time, and can talk about variety of topics, such as “so who all wished you at midnight?”, “when are you cutting the cake?” etc.

Action: Bunking your exam, job interview or other life altering events to accompany her and her dog to a vet.
Result: Congrats. You’ve officially become a loser. Girls DO NOT like loser. Hence, girls do not like you. Thus proved! Man, I love syllogisms!

Action: Memorizing lame movie dialogues such as “You complete me”, and, wait for it, using them in actual proposal!
Result: Recipe for disaster. Always know that the girl will always have seen more love movies than you at any point of time. And, she will know all the dialogues by heart. She will want to hear almost like that, remember, ALMOST like that. Of course, if you try “You might complete me”, well…

Action: Proposing over a phone.
Result: HA HA HA! Guys! Sometimes we do the craziest things.

Disclaimer:

1. The above suggestions and advices are the result of real and half-baked life experiences of my friends, friends of friends, general public, imaginary people and me albeit incognito. So if any of you find yourself in the list, don’t come out the closet. If you do, then KISS MY ABS. (You would actually beg to kiss my ass when you see my abs. Anyways…)
2. Always take an advice with a pinch of sanity, as advice = ad (toward) + vice (a harmful or nasty habit or action). So you may find advices may sometimes lead you to do the action or yield the opposite result. Olrite, enough gyaan…

Okay, the next series will be for girls. I can really use some help here. So women readers (if there are any!! ), please give me something.

I'm over you

You have been the love of my life. I was so insanely mad in love with you even before Emma Watson, even before Manchester United. I cannot remember a day passing by without seeing you, without hearing you. You have been there during my happiest of days, as well as the saddest of them lot. No matter how sad I am, just a glimpse of you was enough to put my mind at peace. Because of you, I have made so many friends who were all admirers of you.
But it breaks my heart to say that for the past few weeks, in fact months, I haven’t been feeling the same. I told to myself that it was just a passing phase in our relationship, but as the days grew so did the gap. I cannot feel the emotional attachment that we had before. It seems like there is some kind of space between us, which is so big. One of the reasons could be that when I have grown in years and maturity, you have not managed to do so. You sure cultivated new things, but they pale in comparison with what you had before. We just are not on the same wavelength anymore. You seem to like different things. And looks like you have had new folks in your life too nowadays. Fair enough, who am I to complain now anyway.
I think it is only fair enough for me to say that we have to part ways now. There is no point in seeing you anymore, when there is no love. I am not the kind of guy who tears up your posters, or who burns the memorabilia. I will keep them with me, safe and sound. After all, we shared just a magical bond once. And I am sure that any girl who enters into my life hereafter would understand my love for you.
And I am not going to lie. I am not going to miss you. But thanks so much for all the memories. Bye bye cartoons!

Lift Karade

Sometimes...well many times I wonder "WHATS UP WITH PEOPLE!!!!." Why you may ask, and let me tell you.
My desk is in the 8th floor of my office building, and being a lazy bum (and a sane person), I use lift to reach to my floor. There are 6 lifts on the ground floor, all neatly maintained and robust (thanks CBRE!).
There is a button at the front for you to press to make the lift come to your floor. A nice small square button with an arrow emboldened in an appropriate direction. Once you press that button, it lightens up until the lift reaches your floor. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out in more than couple of attempts, unless you are a Jonny Bravo, a Joey Tribiani or a Micheal Kelso.
I know people, who have been coming here for months, if not years, keep pressing the button again and again even though the lift button is on, and knowing this concept. And I wonder "WHATS UP WITH PEOPLE!!!!"
May be it is the sheer expectation of a miracle, that if they press the button hard enough for many times, the lift could skip the intermediate floors and come immediately when summoned. Or it could be the arrogance of those people, who want to have everything when they want at any cost. Or it could just be the sheer frustration in the morning where they have to go for a job which they really don't like and which really doesn't pay well. Or it could be some urgent pressing matter which could not wait even for a second (urinal comes to my mind, there is none on the ground floor). Or they could be just dumb.
I am no saint, for I have found myself a few times pressing the button again and again. When I do that, I consciously try to find why I did that. What made me to do that? And this insight has helped me to understand many of my problems swiftly, and of late I find myself not doing this nonsensical stuff.
May be you can find some soul-searching tool at your workplace too. Till then, slog it out!