The Life is Alright

I feel a blog post was due for a long time. I have just been moving into other direction, emotionally, compared to my usual self when I am thinking of writing a blog. I had to take a very important life and career decision to leave USA and to move to Germany (why Germany, plenty of reasons, probably in an another post). If you had managed to read my earlier posts, you might get that how much it meant for me when finally I was able to go USA for MBA. So to leave all that, all my friends here, and move to a country that doesn't speak English as first language, with no access to Netflix and college football, and no Five Guys burger and every other super-size concept, well it was definitely not easy. I decided on the move in February and I am surprised as to how much time I gave to think about it. It's probably what one calls "a decision made in an heart beat." One question I asked myself is, "will I get to do anything like this in the future." When the answer to it was a resounding "NO", I just decided to make the move. Should mention, the Government and people here sure made me feel welcomed.

It is definitely a good experience, the higher cost of living here definitely has made (or I should say, is making ) me a better money manager. Now am just looking forward to what Germany and rest of the Europe got to offer. Ever since my MBA got over, I feel like there is now no "hard" target to lookout for. I mean, yeah, I have money target, but for some weird reason, having more money just didn't make me feel fulfilled. It made me feel happy and accomplished but I seem to have found fulfillment in very strange things!

Right now I am trying to get settled into a routine and rhythm, and accustomed to language and culture. It is different from USA, and I think I am happy for that. But don't get me wrong, I definitely miss a lot of things in/about USA. (and yes, Chennai too, but that goes without saying). In my last post, I talked about how 2013 has been a year of milestones for me. Now I think I just work towards making every year a milestone year for some good reason. Already have a couple for 2014: moved to an European country AND got an European drivers license (and now your truly can drive in almost any EU country...to think just 3 years back I didn't even have an Indian driver's license!!). There just might be a mother-of-all-milestones milestone event soon, so keep checking out!

Unfinished Business

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know the journey I had to make about a good 6 years ago to obtain my MBA. It's been a while now, but I am extremely happy to share with you all that I have finally gotten my MBA from a US university. It all feels surreal now, the plans, the pains, the sacrifices, the disappointments, the failures, all for one success. And it's worth it. To a normal Joe, this is indeed a normal feat, of course every other Indian is now getting an international MBA. From outside, that's whats I would think too, but now that I have made the journey myself, I understand how it is; I understand what it means. And I wish to congratulate everyone who has accomplished it.

I made so many plans and calculations in the last 5 years. It is always wonderful when a certain plan bears fruition; it's good to be right. I love planning. But the problem was, I never planned what I would do after MBA. For me, getting to US to pursue MBA was the ultimate goal. Having accomplished that, I now am fiddling my thumbs what to do. Oh wait, job hunt. Well, that's a different story altogether.

But I do feel that there is some unfinished business in my life. It was great to have one goal and work towards that. But now I see it, my life is going to be a series of goals until my final breath. I am not sure whether I like it or not, I am sure this is the only way I am going to live my life. But I look back, and each new goal is comparatively harder to achieve than the previous one. May be my expectations have increased, may be I am thinking too much about myself or just may be I am fantasizing a bit too much; doesn't seem to matter.

The only problem (I am gonna get nicely for calling this a "problem" from "someone") is that my journey from now on might not be alone. Is this good or bad, I have no idea, having spent all of my existence in an "eternal bachelor" lifestyle. Or is this due to bad pick-up skills, I have no idea (Thank god for the arranged marriage!). Let's see how far I've come...let's see how far I'll go.

Pause

Have you ever taken a break from a work such as folding your clothes or eating dinner in order to attend something and someone, and only to realize that the clothes aren't there anymore, or the food has vanished when you are back? Of course not. (But if you have, there are many talk shows willing to take that story). But life and its partner-in-crime time work differently. I have left my "laundry", but I think that it wont be there when I go back to attend it. A lot has changed in the past year, some for the good and some not. And that's how the life is, and one its of many vagaries that are beyond our control. The only thing we can control is us and our behavior and reaction to the situation.

Chennai isn't Chennai anymore. Not so long ago I could enjoy a leisurely ride, good food at reasonable price and a quite time at the beach. None of them is possible now; the landscape is unrecognizable now. And then the gang is broken, and whoever is left now has to work on their adjustment to the change: family commitments. And all the little ones are so grown up; "Riaz anna" is no longed required. Sniff sniff. (No, I am not smelling anything). And of course, I would have to get "settled" soon. Sheesh!

So the question becomes, do I redefine myself or try to make the best of those things that are still in tact? I'll tell you one thing; it's not easy to let go of one's past, especially when it has been one of the best rides I'll ever get. When I grew up, there was a pleasant sense of solidity to the future. You do something, and you can say pretty much confidently how you will end up. You could plan your entire life out, hell, you can even predict where your kids are going to school. Not so much now, there is cloud of unpredictability around the future now. You can't even be sure if you'll be in the same job one year from now!

I hate this phase, right now, this moment. I am 29 years old, but have always been a kid at heart trying to live and relive all the good things. I guess no more I could afford this luxury. Will I make something for myself or would I end up having a lifetime of mediocrity, I am not sure. What I am sure is, I'll soon have to make an important decision, may be many important decisions in which I have to decide what/whom to keep and what/whom to leave behind as I move on with my life. Because a few things, things that have been dear to me, HAVE to be collateral damage in the pursuit of life. And the worst part is, there is no going back. The mistake I will make, will stay a mistake forever, and I'll live to regret that decision for the rest of my life.

Perhaps this is the mid-life crisis that everyone is talking about, but I always thought that happens only when you are 40! I am really curious as to what I would write in my blog one year from now.

Are you talking to me?

One of the pivotal moments in the Star Wars franchise is when Master Yoda recommends the Jedi council to not elevate Anakin Skywalker as a Jedi Master because Yoda had sensed darkness inside Anakin. Now how that pissed Anakin off, eventually leading to a series of events that makes him the Darth Vader is a segue to what I wish to talk about. My mind is fixated on the powers of Master Yoda, especially to read or at least discern  people's  thoughts and emotions. My wish is based on a simple necessity; many a time I wish I knew what someone is actually thinking even though what they say otherwise.


Since school, I have tried my level best to be a nice boy, always a teachers pet, always a pet to my friends' parents (much to my friends chagrin) and someone who could be an example. It was fine, when I was kid, I hanged out with other kids and they pretty much don't give a darn about all that. If they don't like you, they just tell it your face. When I was a kid, I knew who my friends and enemies were. And as I grew older, it became hard to know either of those. The problem with getting old is, the stakes become higher. We live in a society where a normal person just cannot afford to have enemies because our fights are not honorable, or we just don't fight fairly.  It is fine, and even "tactically right" to not let know what you think of someone. And its perfectly fine to talk to their backs. I am no psychologist, but I am sure we "civilized" humans avoid confrontation as much as possible. But I think we have some broken compass that points to standing-up and avoidance. Apart from the spineless existence that is accompanied by being a pussy, you are also left to be ridiculed in many permutations. You think you are safe? You are the one getting verbal bashing in your absence.


Many books have been written to identify certain ticks or "giveaways" in a person's that would help to read what he/she is thinking. But not many are gifted to that extent. Heck a few of us wouldn't realize if someone lies to our face, with a laugh track on the side and a card saying "you are a jerk." But sometime we do get to know when we are made fools. And when that happens, it leaves a bad aftertaste. So here I am, raising a toast, to all my enemies (you know who you are), for letting me know whats in your mind and what you think of me. Even though I don't like you, I respect you for what you are.

Yaaawn - 2

So I go back home tired just wanting to have some hot tea, and my mom comes out and says, "Ok Riaz I have found a girl for you." I jump right out of my slumber. So many different thoughts were going through my head. I can't get married now, I am not ready. I tell, "mom, whats the hurry now, I am just getting to start my career." "No Riaz, you are 29 now and its about time. Your dad and I have decided, and we think that this girl would be really suitable for you. We have almost finalized the alliance, and all I require from you is to say yes and we will proceed."

I started to sweat profusely. I wasn't ready for this. Given the fact that I am too old and fat to run behind a girl, I have resigned to the fact that my marriage will be arranged. I act as if I have a choice, I don't but that's a moot point now. I get all panicky every time I am reminded about marriage, or the concept of it. To be spending and sharing with someone, is indeed a weird thing for me. Heck, I don't even like to share my bed, how will I share my life. I am not a big romantic but I do like to know someone really well before I commit to that person. On the other hand, it would also behoove well for "that" person to know me well before she likes to commit to the specimen that is me. All my dear friends would vouch for the trial period, knowing my idiosyncrasies.

"Mom, don't you think that this is a bit hasty? I mean, whats the hurry now. You didn't even tell me that you had this thought!" "I have been saying this to you for years, and you never give due attention. I have decided. Now there is someone from girl's side here. If you have any questions you can ask." I scream, "are you crazy? You actually have someone here?!!! And you didn't even think of letting me know when I was I coming home." "Well, if I had told you before, you would not have come home", she told as a matter of fact. I thought, "oh well, thats true."

I am going to meet someone from the bride's side. Crap, "bride's" side, this is indeed really happening. In as much as I say anything, I am pretty sure that my parents (when I say parents, I mean my mom) have already made up their minds, and this would be THE family I would be entering into. I have always been appreciative of my mom. We come from a real conservative society, but she has always given me my freedom, keeping my interests first before anything and anyone else, thus being on the receiving side on quite a few family gatherings. When it is a norm for a guy to get married at 24-25 age in our circle, my mom let me do what I want with my career. She was really supportive of my intent to pursue higher studies, obvious, as she is the one who instilled the fire to gain knowledge ever since I was a kid. Almost everyone was against my decision to leave a plump job behind and go abroad to study amidst volatile economy, but my mom supported me, albeit with tears, as she knew what I want. Of course, mom knows the best.

But this, this is BIG. So I get into the bathroom first to freshen up, obviously, I'd at least try to make a good impression. I was still sweating, but I came out eventually, and mom took me to the living room where one of the soon-to-be "extended family" was waiting. "Riaz, this is...." I didn't pay attention to the name or anything else as I was busy trying to size up my "opponent." Probably a sister or cousin of the bride, I thought, definitely the one with more voice and inquisitive of the lot as lots of information had to go back to the headquarters where the parents and the bride are. She extended her hand, I just managed to blurt of an hi, still caught with the myriad of things inside my head. A wrong thing to do, I thought afterwards; I just came out a bit crude.

I told," You want to get out somewhere, probably to terrace or balcony where we can talk in private." I could see in my mom's eyes that she didn't approve of my request, but she kept to herself , so both of us came out. I felt as if I had just got out of a pressure cooker. There was so much I want to shout out. She looked at me and said, "momma's boy huh!" I got so angry. I said, "look you don't know me well enough to judge me. So please don't." "Ok, ok, I am sorry. I was just joking you know. So marriage uh. It is a big deal." I replied, "It is, thank you."

"Look, Your mom thought I could help you out and so I am here to answer any questions you have about the bride or our family. Don't consider me an outsider. Ask as if you'd ask a friend." After getting calmed a little bit, I asked, "look, you sound like a smart person. Do you think it is fair that such a big decision in my life is being made, and I am not even a part of it?" She said, "even your mom sounds to be smart. I think whatever decision she makes would be the right choice for you." I reply, "I know, I know. Whatever she has done has been for my benefit all these years. But this, this is just overwhelming. I mean to think that I would be spending the rest of my life with someone, that feeling is not sinking in. How would you feel if something like this happened to you?"

"I will be overwhelmed too. A lot in fact. But if I know that the person is nice, I would be eager to start my life again with him." Impressed, but I still had some doubts. Someone from family looks intelligent, hopefully the bride will be too. And then I just asked bluntly, "look you think it is fair that I'd have to say yes to this alliance, without meeting the girl. I'd love to talk to her, at least some, make sure that she likes me, don't you think that it's important?" She said, "It is very important indeed. But I think the girl would like you, I have no doubt." I retorted, "see people's preferences differ. Plus, I would like to ask that to the girl personally, not through any third party. And I have a few personal questions to ask to the bride too; know her well, or at least some." She replied, "That is perfectly fine. So go on, ask me." She smiled.

Suddenly, I understood the gravity of what she said, and comprehended the smile on her face. The feeling of confusion and stupidity was way too much to bear, and I just faintly remember coming back to my senses, with her name being the first question I asked.

And then I came back to senses for real. No doubt, I was sporting a smile the whole day. Finally I got to meet my dream girl. For real!

Based on a true dream, not so long ago. And it is not real. And it is not a true story. And I am not engaged (as yet). Sheesh!!!

Leap of thought

Huh..so just realized that I have 10 followers. Cum on, seriously!! You guys!!

So well, today is not just any other day to sit down and write down a post. Today is leap year day! This day is the "fields medal" day of or Earth. Given its scarcity, people should have made a big deal about this day as to doing something significant, something difficult or something impossible. Considering all the fuss about New Year's day that comes every year or Valentine's day (a.k.a depressing day of the year), this day is damp squib. Believe it or not, (some really old or obsolete) tradition in some parts of Europe has it that a woman may only propose to a man on leap years. (thanks to wiki!). But if you ask me what I did special for today, my answer is, absolutely nothing. But I am writing this blog, and I am pretty sure you have figured out that this ain't significant either. The title is just a testimony to the day, and not to the magnitude of value of thoughts. I have warned you. So read along if you got time to burn.

I am not a master of segue, so sorry for the abrupt transition. But my mind is. I was thinking about all the people who were born today, and how they get to celebrate their birthdays on the same date only once every four years (if they follow a solar calendar that is). Then my mind wandered to all the people who don't get to celebrate their birthdays at all for a variety. Now I got a bit sad. I always get sad on my birthday but that is because I got one less year to live, and I know that I am nowhere close to where I want to be. If you ask me where I want to be, my honest answer is I have no idea; I am like a wanderer. (But if the hiring managers for those companies to which I have applied for job or internship reading this, I am process oriented, goal driven and analytic.) Aaanyway, so I decided to watch a movie to burn off some time (to my MBA group members, I am doing this only after completing all  required assignments for the week). You can't speak out your mind nowadays! Sheesh!

So the movie was Zindagi na milegi dobara, a hindi movie, a new one, and apparently the last one I got to watch in theatre before leaving to US for my studies. It's a great movie to say the least. It is about three friends (if I had a nickel for every Indian movie that starred with "3 friends"), who get together after 4 years for one of the guy's bachelor party. They will go to Spain, and will participate in 3 sports, chosen by each of them. The movie is about how they go about doing it, the incidents that affect the personality and beliefs of each individual involved. It is a very breezy movie. You should check it out if you got a chance.

In that movie, one guy is a financial investment banker, second one is a builder & heir apparent of a large business, and third one is a writer. Needless to say, lot of these guys have money to burn (obviously, they have decided to have bachelor's party in Spain all the way from India!) So this investment banker guy, he was kinda lower middle class when he was young, had lost his father at a very young age, and so made his life to make himself well off in future. And he did. His flashbacks and majority of sequences are about how he gave importance to career (not to money directly), and stresses the value of money in every transaction of his life. I had to mention that he gives importance to career and not money as I think there is a subtle difference at least in my opinion. Money can be obtained in innumerable number of ways; it is at least admirable to think of obtaining it through one's career (in contrast to say....say stealing or as Frank Abignale Jr did..minting :-))

But his perception about all this would change when he gets to meet  a very lively, live-in-the-moment, and veryyyy pretty (Katrina Kaif) girl in the journey, and he falls for her (obviously) and decides that he would follow her in the journey (to Morocco) and not worry about his investment banking career. One of the "awwww" moments in the movie, and I remember a lot of audience talking about how they want to live a bit extra after the movie. I call it the movie hang over.

The friends would do three (not-so-recreational) sports in the movie: deep sea diving, sky diving, and bull run. My mind right, it is pretty fucked up; it does its own segue. I was like, okay, all is right, you don't want to worry about your career, you want to do all this crazy stuff with this new pretty girl you have just met. All expensive stuff. That's because you have got the money Mr. Investment Banker. A business class flight ticket from London (where he is from in movie) to Madrid airport is  a cool 1600 euros at least? Add to that the awesome villa they were staying, the expensive recreational sports and not to mention the impending journey to Morocco. You can't do all the bloody thing if you ain't got money. That's what I thought. I know!! In one of the scenes after deep sea diving, this girl would would ask him, "Why I saw tears in your eyes (this guy would be overawed after the experience). Were you ever in tears when you received your paycheque?" Smooth lines, but the reality is that it was this paycheque that helped him to have this experience and hence, the tears of joy.

I am not arguing that money buys everything; there are many many things I personally know that any amount of money cannot buy. But it is about the fact that glorifying certain things above money, but those that cannot be had if it weren't for the money. You cannot just live life by grazing around doing whatever you want. We humans aren't designed that way. Two or three times a day, we get a primitive feeling that almost suppresses every other reaction; hunger. When you are hungry, you got to eat, and to eat..well you know where I am going.

The reason I am saying this is that I have seen many people get absolutely carried away with the message of of the movie, or with those innumerable posts I get to see now on facebook walls.
But I am digressing. This post is for the normal folks -- the average Joes, Moes and well...anyone. Just because you had an epiphany to have fun in your lift, you cannot and shouldn't leave everything behind. It is finicky and cowardly. Take everything you see/hear with a pinch of salt. It is understandable that you want a break, you want to go away. Everybody feels that. But not everyone is in the same capacity to do it. Imagination has no limit, and that's why it's a bitch. But you got to understand your reality.

The Indian Protocol

I have been harboring this feeling for some time, but it exploded when I was watching Mission Impossible 4: The Ghost protocol movie. So much has been said and written about the role of Anil Kapoor, an INDIAN, who has supposedly a plum role in the movie. Now we all know that's not true but that is not the source of my irritation. For some reason, we are unable to shake off the inferiority complex even after decades of Independence. Not sure if it is due to the way we look through our imaginary green tinted glass, or the "color" complex, or it is just how we are raised by parents and in schools -- to be respectful and humble. For me, there is a difference between humility and bending-over.

I personally have witnessed and heard about harrowing biases against Indians in our very own India. My friends were made to wait, or even overlooked, to entries into bars when the foreigners have just walked past them. Or it is the first-class service they always seem to get when they are in hotels, when we were treated like a third class citizen. I could give you a thousand examples as to how we were very much obsessed with everything foreign so much so that we were ready to put down anything “Made in India.” Earlier it was only the inanimate objects; unfortunately, not anymore. I’d be lying if I say that prejudices don’t exist anywhere apart from India. They do, but as far as I know, no one puts down their OWN race to talk better about others. To say that it sickens me is an understatement.
There is nothing wrong being an Indian! We are more than a billion people, so statistically speaking we would have a lot more assholes than many countries’ population put together. But let’s not generalize that all of us are backstabbing hypocritical idiots. It takes a collective approach to change this mindset; one person thinking or doing differently will not improve this situation. In fact, he or she would be brow beaten yielding to the eventual peer pressure.

So why after MI4? So much have been blown out of proportions by our stupid media as to how this IS the break that Bollywood (the Indian Film industry) has been waiting for to get into Hollywood mainstream. Many touted as this is the next best thing after ARR’s Oscar. Fine, it is the current media’s responsibility to put journalism ethics to shame so I’ll leave it at that. But the damn audiences in the movie theatre, they pissed me off to no end. Getting to act in the most awaited move of 2011 is indeed a big deal, yes, but please do not say that this is the biggest moment in his career. It is as if ridiculing his milestones such as Ram Lakhan and Mr. India. And to go on to say that Rajnikanth didn’t get his big a chance! The nerve! I ask them tell one actor –living or dead – who will be able to pull as many people as he can.

Don’t belittle our very own people, people. We Indians are getting “bounced off” almost everywhere around the world. We deserve respect at least in our own country.

Staying Alive

Within a span of just four months into my pursuit, I have made more mistakes than I have made for as long as I could remember. Blame it on the break-neck fast paced life with no excuses for errors. Thats the MBA life, thats the professional life, but I have learnt so much from them, where each time I did/do something stupid, I took a time-off to reset my life. This is not the story, like that Chetan Bhagat's book, these are not the mistakes of my entire life, as I have been into bigger unmentionable shitholes, but they are making me to live, and not letting me to live. Contradictory..well I am a Gemini!

Four months, four mistakes, three of them are my own fault, one of them, perhaps that could be the most profound, it is not my fault...or thats what I think. But it is not anyone's fault either, but it is still a huge problem for me. But for the other three problems, there is a common theme running through it. "I can handle anything." Trust me, that wasn't the story until the last 5 years, some freak incident changed my belief system. From a guy who was always nervous and worried about anything and everything, I became someone who believed that everything happens for good,..worse..that I could get out of any pickle. Now thats all and fine, but problem started when I subconsciously let most of the situations get into a pickle because I kept thinking...well..to quote Barney Stinson.."I am Awesome."

Apparently, I am not...at least not as awesome BS is. BS here is Barney Stinson...clever huh. When I asked myself, why I shouldn't make mistakes, my mind posed me a different question: "Why aren't people trying to make mistakes. " The mistake here, which I should clarify, will affect oneself and not the others. A doctor or a  judge shouldn't make an error in his profession. But the kind I am talking about, only you are affected. Now that I have clarified, let me move on.

Almost everyone I know, is so scared of mistakes. No one wants to be around them. No one wants to admit them. No one wants to try them. It is so very true, that you learn a lot from your mistakes. You can be luckily correct. But you are never wrong by luck. There are others who fret about their mistakes and let them be defined by'em. There are others, who accept that they have made a mistake and move on. And then there are the successful bunch, who commit, admit it, learn from it, and try to not repeat it. History has taught that they have done well. Try out new things. As I always say, there is only one way to find out whether something will actually work; by actually doing it. Try it, the journey is exhilarating. The more mistakes you make, the more confident you get about yourself. Your mistakes is the testimony that you believed in yourself and decided to bet on yourself. if you can't do that for yourself, don't expect anyone else to do it for you.

Aaaaand then the fourth category, those who seem to make the mistake coz well, they can. Yours truly is dabbling with the fourth category now.May be, I am trying to compensate for the insanely boring guy I have been since I was a kid. I have begun to explore, and the more you want to do, the more you make. It is indeed stupid to repeat them, but given the sheer number of stupid things I am doing, they repeat. They aren't identical...but they are similar. Now I am intentionally not specifying what mistakes I had made so far, definitely not the fourth! But that has been the most memorable and most exciting mistake so far. My mistakes, the results of my escapades, my penchant to look "over-the cliff", and my itch to look on the other side, have made my life in this new country more memorable and fun.


P.S:
As I am writing this blog, I got out of the first one. I am awesome...

Stupidonymous

I love my name a lot...it is short and sweet (??). Easy to remember, and as I found in many cases, it is also easy to pronounce even by people not from the same cultural background. But when they ask what my FULL name is, that is when the trouble starts.

You see, till my tenth grade, my name had gone under a multitude of evolution (no numerological or astrological reasons btw) to get to a point where I can write my name with a constant spelling, and took painstaking measures to have the same name in all school records. From Md. Riaz -> Mohd. Riyazudeen -> Mohamed Riazudeen -> Mohammed Riyazuddin -> Mohammed Riazuddin. This name was great, I thought, and I begin to practice my signature with this specific spelling with my dad's initials A.G. (the reason behind my "silver") at the front. Things were fine, not so much so when I appear for the exams (think CAT), where I had to shade my full name in all those ovals. But it wasn't until I wished to apply for passport my troubles started. You know that the passport requires a last name to be filled. In our community, there is no concept of last name. A person just has a name, with no links whatsoever to the family name, mother's name, dad's name or whatever. We were never the "Mr. & Mrs. Sharma" types. So when I required a last name, I went the "western" way by expanding my initials and putting them after my name. Got the passport as "Mohammed Riazuddin Abdul Gaffoor" a name with 32 characters  including space, the significance I didn't realize until I got my job at Verizon.

It seems like many of the systems have a limit of 30 characters for name. So at VZ, I was given Mohammed as first name, Riazuddin as last name, with Abdul as middle name. Even my id card said I was "Mohammed" and I was being called by that. It was very different at the start, as in my then 22 years of existence, I was never addressed as Mohammed. So every time I was addressed as such, I took the pain to correct then and there.."hey you can call me riaz." But over the period of time, all was well, and since I made many "public appearances" my peers knew how to call me.

All was well, until I started to apply for colleges in US. Again the problem, I was called as Mohammed. What's worse, my name started to get cut as my whole name wasn't fitting in many of the application systems. I was Mohammed somewhere...Riaz...or just Abdul Gaffoor. I heaved a huge sigh of relief when my university (UGA) began asking whats my preferred name is, and I very happily replied, "Riaz."

Problem over, no! In my SSN, my name was cut, Riazuddin became Riazudd...and only god knows where these details would be propagated. Add to that, while introducing to my peers, I go, "hey my name is M..R...A..G.. but you can call me Riaz." I lost them at "M...." Then one day came where I had to give what name I wanted to put on my business cards and resumes, and after much deliberation (unfortunate people who were with me when I deliberated know how bad it was) of Mohammed Riazuddin, Riaz Abdul Gaffoor, AG Mohammed Riazuddin, Superman(??), ...I FINNALLYY became Riaz Gaffoor. This ain't my official name as that is still what is in my SSN, but for everything else, the US will now know me as Riaz Gaffoor. Sorry mom, sorry dad, but you shoulda asked me what name I wanted before you kept one!

Rumination

• Tried unsuccessfully to fit my 27 years of existence in 2 bags. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Bid a final goodbye to my erstwhile home. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Walked away from the airport visitors counter to a place after which I would be so far away from my dear parents and friends. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Boarded the plane with a very heavy heart for a long journey. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
• Called home after landing in Franfurt, asked whats for dinner, only to realize that I won't be there. Said to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this."
• Landed in Atlanta Airport. Waiting for the bags to come on the belts, and after getting them, momentarily waited subconsciously to check whether there is anyone for company. Realized that I am all alone, walked towards a shuttle to Athens, saying to myself, "I can't believe I am doing this..."
•  Moved into my apartment, my empty apartment, and slept on the carpet floor amidst bugs and roaches. Said to myself, "Can't believe I am doing this...". (Bought a sleeping bag immediately)

There are a few other things here that cannot be mentioned...but the last two weeks in my life I have been doing certain things that I never thought I would in my lifetime. This new life is scary, exciting, interesting, fast, lonely -- all at the same time. The only thing I keep hoping is that my time away from family and friends is compensated by the experiences I have here. Thankfully, so far, everything has been more than adequate compensated BUT I still miss you mom, dad, and my dear friends. I'll see you soon....

Count your friends before you hatch.

"How many friends do you have?" If someone had asked this question at various stages in my life, I would have given varied answers. Around 150 -- when I was in middle school, about 50 -- when I was in junior high, about 20 -- when I finished school. I am not talking about the status the facebook gives to the contacts in the network. I am talking about those, who stood through thick and thin, mostly thin, over the years. Now you honestly tell me how many of those you know will you tag as "friends." The count has more or less remained constant to this day. In the first 15 years of my life, I had met 90% of people who would be my life long friends no matter what. Even if I get to meet any of them after a decade, I bet we would still talk in the way we used to do. On the other hand, I have been a lot more uncomfortable with certain people with whom I had to share my daily existence in the near past.


I always tell that it is so easy to make friends while one is a kid. There are almost no requirements to become friends with someone; same pencil box - Friends!, same school bag - Friends, near by - Friends. In fact, the reasons to become enemies with someone is as silly and as irrelevant as it is to become friends with one. The favo dialogue I grew up with: "missss, he is pinching me." We became friends and enemies LIKE THAT.When I was in school -- kinder garden and middle -- my classmates were either my friends or enemies. There was no middle line. I knew everyone, likewise, everyone knew me. We were innocent, laughed at the most innocuous of the jokes, played harder than ever, collectively afraid of our teacher, and stuck together -- no matter what. We never asked anything from each other. It didn't matter who was someone's father, how much lunch money he/she had, whether he/she looked good, or if the person had enough potential to succeed.

It amazes me how little we do nowadays to keep in touch with our friends. Yes, I am talking about this time -- the era of SMSes, googles, facebooks, twitters and what not. It is now appropriate to wish someone's birthday or anniversary via a scrap or on a wall; and its not just for those who are abroad or in a different city. I feel that we are sometimes forced to choose friends who happen to be near us just to keep us sane and safe from the grip of loneliness and depression. And this makes us to act in a way we are not used to or not supposed to. (A hyberbolic treatment of the same point in one of my earlier posts.) I wonder why has it become so difficult right now to make and keep friends. Nowadays I feel that relationships are formed on the basis of convenience. And it ends as soon as the location or any other scenery changes. Nobody seems to stick with anyone "till death do them part." A hundred friends on facebook or orkut, but no one to talk to when in need. Gone are the days when friends come to someone's home just for an aimless banter going for hours.

I ramble because I get a feeling that I will be away from my friends -- for a long time. If there has been one constant in my 27 years of existence, apart from the usual suspect a.k.a family, it is my friends. I can bet, you take every possession I have, my bank balance, my inheritance, anything -- and I can earn almost all of them back, and then some more. But if you take my friends, I am not sure if I would be able to find at least one who is of the same caliber. No offense, but you've got to meet them and you'll know that its an understatement.

I dedicate this post to all of my estranged friends with whom I now have little or no contact.

அழிவி னவைநீக்கி ஆறுய்த்து அழிவின்கண்
அல்லல் உழப்பதாம் நட்பு.

(Friendship from ruin saves, in way of virtue keeps;
In troubled time, it weeps with him who weeps.)

How to not get a driver's license.

I am now a proud owner of a car..................................................................................license. I still don't have the "authority" from "higher powers" (exactly one generation ahead) to just buy the darn car. But this story is is not about my desire to buy a car. This story is about how I got my driver's license.

To do something in the gargantuan amount of time I have had since my separation from my old job, I decided to take a tiny-teeny amount of time to get a car driver's license which was way over due. It all started with getting my learner's on April 1st. Theoritically, from then on its fifteen days of driving classes and the driving test after 30 days to get the license. Well, it never goes according to paper for me does it? Thanks to a few trips and laziness, I finished all of my 15 classes on May 22nd, scattered between almost 50 days after started. I was eager for my test on 23rd, only to be turned away from driving school to come the next Monday. 29th was a really long hard day -- my friends would vouch for that  -- so I skipped 30th and went on 31st instead, only to be turned down by my driving school because they didn't had a Tuesday slot with the RTO.

Kicking myself for not knowing that fact, and after a wait of one week, I hit the RTO on June 6th morning. After waiting for 2 hours, I was told that my form wasn't paid as yet and I needed to bring the original driver's license to surrender. I am pretty darn amused as to why they would assume I would know this. I was told to come on Wednesday, 8th. On 8th morning, I found out that my form was unknowingly withheld by the school, so I had to come on 9th. On 9th, I packed all my arsenal, skipped my breakfast --god knows when was the last time that happened -- and started for the RTO. I knew it was gonna be a long hard day, so I took my ipod with me. I was so right!

It all started nicely; I waited for 2 hours to have my form to be paid, and another hour for the test to start; in the scheme of things with regard to Chennai RTO, it ain't that bad. Trust me! After being driven to a verge of a nervous breakdown by my driving school teacher and RTO inspector, I learned that I had passed the driving test and am finally going to get the hallowed license after the photo shoot.

At this point, I have to mention my bike license. If I give my current license as a proof of identity for verification, I would be surely put behind bars for identity theft. From my name to my date of birth to my address, every darn thing on that was wrong. I somehow managed to look thin in that photo (college times) so my face doesn't even remotely resemble to what that's on the card. I never paid any attention to all these details and I was never asked about it by the traffic constables either. But I did run into lot of trouble, especially with banks whenever I had to produce my drivers' license. So I decided to get everything straightened out in my new license. And thats when the trouble started.

After the photo shoot, my details were entered into the RTO database. The details were same as in my old license, so I asked them to change to correct ones. I was told to go to the inspector and get a correction. So I went in search of person A, who happened to have taken the day off. So I asked person B instead, but B insisted to get from another inspector C. C had gone for a lunch, and after C came after an hr, C told to get the signature from A. When I told A was on leave, C told to get the signature from D. D took a look at my details and offered to help, only if I can provide the original and copy of my passport. I looked into my arsenal -- apparently I was short of nuke.

I thought myself -- expect the unexpected -- and then scooted to get my passport. I was 2 PM already and I gave a miss to my lunch too. I dun even think I had done that before :D Not wanting to break that record, I had a tea and couple of biscuits to keep my tummy warm. Tea was 5 bucks, biscuits were 2, and the tea shop owner begged for a correct change, and I looked into my purse. I had exact 7 rupees in change; the owner blessed me! I went to my home, found that the power was gone, so I decided to take the copy near RTO. I came to RTO around 2:30 only realized that the place was under power cut from 2-3. So I went to an another zip code and finally managed to find a copying place. The copier guy didnt have a change for my 100, and he didnt want my worn out 10, and all of my change was spent in the tea stall. You can't write a script for this! So I went to get some change for 100. The first store I went it, I tried to break the 100, but the storekeeper didnt have change either.

Something peculiar happened; instead of going to the next shop, I asked whether card will be accepted, and started to shop for things ONLY to realize 5 mins later that I still won't get change. Then leaving all the items over there, I went to another store, got a Sprite and a Naturo and managed to get the change. I then hurried to RTO, only to find that person D had gone out. After waiting for another hour, I showed the documents to D, who then referred me to E for correction. E said that he can only correct learner's license and not a regular, asked me to go to A. After seeing my plight, B did the correction. The correct data was then entered into the system at 4:15, and at 4:30, all was done. Phew!!! Throughout this episode from 2-4PM, a person from my driving school was behind me during my travails. And when I tried to give him "something" -- not because he asked for but because I was grateful to him -- he vehemently opposed to take anything. He skipped his lunch too. That guy somehow managed to put a smile on my face even after such a torturous episode such as this.

So what did I learn? Well, shit happens. So always, ALWAYS, expect the unexpected. God may not be with you all the time, but you can be assured that Mr. Murphy will be. So always be prepared to soothe your mind. It seems I managed to do one thing right yesterday; I packed my ipod. One of my favo songs was on an infinite loop the whole morning.

Me, myself and my brain

After a not so brutal separation from my five year love, I am on a sabbatical now. I had thought about a million things to do in my free time; all the things I so wanted to do for many many years. Now I have all the time in the world yet I seem to run out of time every day. Each of the things I want to do requires a lot of hard work, commitment and perseverance, and it would be an understatement to say that I could be working a lot harder right now than I would have if I had been working. But, the end results of my work would be helpful to me for as long as I wish to live.

Now even with all these advantages of embarking upon on an effort, with even the minimalistic success, or to an extent, failure, yielding great returns, my brain is deciding to, well, lie dormant. And when I say "dormant", I mean eat, day dream-- both awake and asleep, TV, and other things that causes minimal stress on the brain functions. Oh the selfish selfish brain! It puts itself before me. If we both were married, we would be so divorced by now. Since we are not, and I cannot live without my brain (awwww!), I have got to accept it the way it is,albeit grudgingly.

You see, over the period of year of conditioning, brain -- specifically a part of brain that's responsible of pleasure centers -- identifies what's our inherent state of pleasure is, and given an opportunity to be in this state, it will take it. And not just that, it influences -- or at least tries to -- the other parts of the brain to accept its decision by using its not so secret weapon "dopamine." And this state of pleasure is not fixed; we subconsciously define a new one at each stage of our life. For a kid, it could be play outside, for an hardworking person, it could be to just sit back, relax, beer and a game of TV. And for those who have experienced sex, the best pleasure giving activity IMO, the brain constantly looks for chances to make its "bearer" get laid. Enough said.

The weirdest thing is, this state of pleasure or blissfulness necessarily need not be just laziness or indolence. In fact, provided the brain is conditioned, one's state of pleasure could be right at the peak of a physical or a mental activity. This is what makes a scientist go after a not-so trivial pursuit of an arduous experiment, a marathon runner to push every inch of his/her muscle to the limit, and everyone of us to go very near to a cardiac arrest every time we have sex.

My state of pleasure (excluding all sexual components 'coz my private life is off limits!!) is to get to an "aha" moment, a moment of discovery, after breaking my brains and my relationships over a long period in pursuit of a solution to a very complex problem. These situations haven't had happened a lot of times before, but I vividly remember each of those episodes as it happened over the last 10 years. So this state of laziness of mine or an inertia to not get my brain or body thinking, is like the lull before storm or the crouch before the pounce. My brain, will always get make me to get into difficult situations to get as close as possible to be in reaching distance of the "aha" moments. Needless to say, it pisses me off every time it does that; but I love it exactly for this; for keeping me alive.

I am going to spend my life being a color

Those who know me, define me in two very different ways with regard to the way I approach life. One set call me an intransigent, hard-balled, calculated, cold-hearted, practical son-of-a-B@#!* about the way I go about doing my things. The other set call me an impractical, day-dreaming, wide-eyed idealist who carries on with his life with no regard about tomorrow. Truth to be told, I feel that I have got a bit of both in me. And no, it is not because I am a Gemini! (enough of that!). And I believe it is applicable to each one of us.

I believe every action that we do -- or for that matter, think -- has a mixture of idealism and pragmatism. It is this "mixture" that makes us do the things that we perceive to be crazy or mundane. What would you define someone who willingly chooses to try for the "million dollar question", knowing very well that the wrong answer would eat away more than 90% of his winnings? Or what would you say to a person who wishes to take a peek into "door #3"? What would you call Virender Sehwag who chose to reach his first triple hundred with a six? At the other end of the spectrum, we have those who stay at home because there is a chance that there is a chance to catch swine flu by chance. Again, enuff said!

Actions -- I believe -- are driven by three factors. First, is the motivation to reach one's goal.  Second, the level of self-realization a.k.a the ability to properly and consciously understand one's potential and situation one is in. Third, a (decent) dose of unadulterated & original "crazy." Think about these three components as red, green, blue colors. You can form any color (actually you can form 65536 ways, but why go into that) with either the PRESENCE or ABSENCE of red, green and blue. Notice my stress on both "presence" and "absence." Extending this analogy, a person's specific action may be characterized by which he or she mixes each of the three aforementioned characteristics.

I tend to disagree that a person's character is fixed. I believe that a person's character, and in turn, his actions are dependent on the magnitude, gravity and timing of his situation that eventually governs the way in which he mixes his "red, blue and green." I would say Sehwag had 100% motivation, 100% self-realization and 100% craziness for choosing to hit a six to reach this triple hundred. But my topic is not just about hitting sixes, it is more than that.

You know that if red, blue, and green are 100% present, the outcome is white color. Going with the tradition of having white for good and black for bad, the presence of all three characteristics would result in absolute "whiteness." If an 100% "white" action succeeds, the outcome is eternal glory; a place in history. However, I would like to point out that the type of outcome may or may not be good in character. Examples are the works of Hitler or our very own Lord Voldemort. On the other extreme, we have people who show 0% of everything in their actions. No one cares about these people. They become so insignificant that they become a bane for others' existence.

But most of us use some percentage of each of these three characteristics in our actions. Let us take a simple situation which most of us can relate to. "Should I stay with my current company or look for a job outside?" Now lets add depths to this situation. "What if there I don't like the new job? What if the new job requires to travel? What if I get a promotion in my current company?" Catch hold of 100 people, and all those 100 people will give different answers. Just like one generalizes a light yellow and a dark yellow as yellow, we tend group our answers into three categories: "take the new job, don't take the new job, or indecisive." Trust me, if you deeply analyze the specifics of decision making process, you would actually find that each decision would consist of parts of "take new job","don't take new job", and "indecisive."

So coming back to first paragraph on discussion about yours truly, what governs my action? I feel that in each of my actions, I have 100% motivation. But it is the degree of "self-realization" and "craziness" that makes me to free-climb a hill, but also to be afraid to look down from terrace. But if any of these parts is 0, I will not do it.

An action with zero motivation is a waste of time.
An action with zero self-realization will never see the the intended goal.
An action with zero craziness is boring.

So what are you made up of?

Chennai Coastal clean-up 2

“When the going gets good, the good gets going.” True to these words, Chennai Trekking Club (CTC) conducted its second Chennai Coastal clean-up campaign on Jan 9, 2011, cleaning up the entire Chennai Coastal line from Marina beach to Injambakkam with more than 500 volunteers, covering 15km of beach, and collecting more than 800 garbage bags. The purpose of this campaign was to spread environmental awareness – again – to the general public and to preserve our natural resources. Volunteers assembled around 5am on Sunday at 11 locations across Chennai city and were transported to 15 different beach zones where CTC organizers coordinated 15 different groups during the cleanup operation between 6 and 9am.

After the cleanup operation the volunteers were dropped back to their respective assembly points.
There were volunteers from all walks of life -- students, NSS volunteers, professionals and our very own fishermen – assisting CTC in this massive event. 55 NSS volunteers from Anna University, 150 employees from Nokia, 45 software professionals from HP, 72 NSS volunteers from Coromandel, 14 students from the Anna Violet College and a few members of the Tree Bank joined hands with about 200 CTC volunteers, collecting 800 garbage bags in two hours. Event sponsors BioTec Bags and Madras Cements Ltd provided with bio-degradable garbage bags and gloves respectively.

More than 8 months ago, on May 16th 2010 CTC conducted the first-of-the-kind Chennai coastal clean-up campaign covering the same 15km stretch from Marina till Injambakkam. In spite of the tremendous environmental awareness it created with general public, a reconnaissance mission by the members of the CTC in December found the Chennai coasts badly in want of another massive clean-up effort. So when the idea was put forth to the members of CTC for a second campaign, the volunteer count quickly touched 300 in just two weeks. Buoyed by this response, the organizing committee -- already armed with experience – went into overdrive to plan and execute this campaign in little less than a month’s time. Considering the scale of the entire operation including people management, logistics, official clearances, this campaign is no mean feat – even for the 10000-member strong Chennai Trekking Club.

When asked about the need for such an initiative, Hari Balasubramaniam, CTC member and one of the official photographers of the event, opined, “most of us live in an oblivion world that simply does not care about Mother Nature and more importantly, one of the most important ecosystems offering livelihood to a few million people in the city of Chennai…so the need for another herculean effort, to get the conservative Chennaite awake on a sober Sunday morning to clean the backyard of one of the most beautiful ecosystems in the world.”

In addition to the large-scale coastal clean-up campaigns, CTC also conducts clean-up campaigns targeting specific beach stretches with 30-50 volunteers every few weeks. The Chennai Trekking Club (CTC) is one of the largest and most active trekking clubs in South India (10.000 members). It's a non-profit group run by volunteers who organize treks across India during nearly all weekends of the year. CTC also engages in social treks taking out underprivileged children on 1 day treks. More information can be found at www.chennaitrekkers.org.

Second news paper article!

My Second Newspaper article on September 4, 2010 edition of NxG, The Hindu. This one is on Save Tada-2 campaign organized  by CTC.

CTC’s SAVE TADA campaign on 8th August

Photo Courtesy: ChennaiTrekkers.org

Chennai Trekking Club (CTC) is organizing a massive clean-up activity “Save Tada - 2” at Tada waterfalls on August 8th 2010. Tada is at a 2 hour drive to the north from Chennai city and is a favorite spot for families and trekkers. However, rampant pollution due to plastics and alcohol bottles has severely dented the beauty of this once pristine jungle. Also, Tada bas become an abode for anti-social elements. Visitors have been perpetually harassed by drunkards, who find Tada to be a safe haven for alcohol consumption and gang robbery.

CTC is planning to clean-up the entire Tada stream, including an 800m intensely polluted stretch. CTC is also collaborating with Forest Department officials to find a permanent solution to the problems created by pollution and anti-social elements. As of now, more than 250 individuals have registered to volunteer for this massive clean-up activity. CTC will provide garbage busting gloves and bags for volunteers to enable safe collection and disposal of wastes.

Chennai Trekking Club (CTC) is a 7000+ member non-profit group of trekking enthusiasts. The club is run by several passionate volunteers who organize various outdoor activities such as treks, biking, cycling, and environmental awareness campaigns. It has completed more than 230 treks, both within and outside South India.

Save Tada campaign is one among the series of environmental awareness initiatives undertaken by CTC. The first Save Tada campaign was on November 1st 2009. More than 230 CTC volunteers spent the entire Sunday collecting more than 2 tons of garbage. CTC also ran an online petition to curb the pollution and unsocial activities happening at Tada and collected more than 1200 signatures which were presented to the forest officials. CTC has also organized a massive beach clean-up activity on May 16th 2010 covering a 15 km stretch from Marina to Injambakkam. More than 900 volunteers collected approximately 5 tons of garbage in a span of four hours. Small scale beach-clean up activity has also been happening every weekend at a predetermined beach involving both CTC volunteers and public.

If you interested in registering for this event, please visit CTC’s website at http://www.chennaitrekkers.org to find additional details about this campaign.

Whose Name Is It Anyway?

Ross: Muriel. Why would he call you Muriel? Oh my God! Chandler M. Bing? It’s not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!
Chandler: Shh! It's a family name!
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance, did they?
(From F.R.I.E.N.D.S)

Sometimes, a name is much more than an identity; It defines the person. Really, how many of us have picked up on our friends calling names on their names. And God help them if their names rhymes with many items. I genuinely feel that a name adds to a character and behavior of a person. I can't imagine whether David Beckham would be the kind of person he is if he had a name say,..Paul Wiener! Or Micheal Jackson as a Dick Banger! Or, well, our very own James Bond as Arthur Twinbuckle. "Twinbuckle, Arthur Twinbuckle." Sheeee!

For as long as I could remember, my bro was at odds with my parents about his name. He has already changed the name once (just a few spellings), but he has come close to change his name on so many occasions. And its not just him, I have seen so many people who are unhappy with their names. More importantly, they think that they are not being taken seriously among their colleagues because of their names. Sounds silly, but it a sad true fact.

So I thought, why can't a child choose what name he wants for the rest of his life. Of course, you got to give a name to child as soon as he or she is born because you can't allow him or her to spend the kinder-garden as "specimen FGH143123." But at such a tender age, would a kid be able to understand the significance of a name? I say, write names on chits and let the child choose one. And you can always pass the blame onto your kid if he ever asks you why the hell you chose that specific name for him. But he has every right to kick you if you happen to put a "Quick Gun Murugan" in the lot :D

Finally, I leave with you a small poem. Even though Riaz is a hard name to pick on (not many things that rhymes with zzz), but still a genius friend of mine managed to do something with it when I was in 5th grade.
"Riazuddin,
Godebuddin, (no idea what it means, i know gode = horse...perhaps horse crap??)
Maare duski se (gonna hit u)
Saade theen" (at half past 3)

Till my next post, c ya :-)

Is this love?

A few days back one of my friend had put a rhetorical question "Is THIS love?" on her Facebook status message only for me to reply with a wise-ass crack (no pun intended), "THIS is not love. THIS is a demonstrative pronoun." I know that it will be impossible for anyone to come up with a definition as to what constitutes a feeling called love. So this post is just my way of expressing what I feel is real love, or, how an ideal love should be.

When we are in love, it feels as if everything in this world suddenly seem to make more sense. Birds are chirping, rain is falling, and the world stops spinning. We get many forward mails that seem to define what true love is. Love is life, love is sharing, love is understanding, love is this, love is that and what not. And then there are the types of love. Love at first sight, love from friendship, and even love from hate. But all that matters is that when we are in love, everything else just doesn't seem to matter at all. The body, the brain, and six senses just want to be in company of our better half. We have heard so many dialogues that people throw when they are in love: "You are on my mind all the time. I'll give my life for you. You are carved in my heart. You are a part of me. I am in you. I am you. You complete me. etc." Many do mean what they say, and some just to take advantage. I always wondered, how true is the statement that our partner's  feelings are imbibed in our senses when we are in love.

What if we are stripped of all senses, feelings and emotions?  Would we be still capable of "feeling" love? We have seen people in vegetative state where they are incapable of expressing their emotions. But does that mean that they don't feel love? Is love truly magical that it could exist in absolutely nothing? To evaluate this assumption, we need to understand whether there is a possibility of being in a state where we are devoid of senses and feelings. Medical theory says, hell yeah! According to evolution, underneath all these facade of  sophistication, culture and logic, we basically are animals. So when we are under stress, the brain stimulates adrenalin and switches off all supplementary bodily functions such as sexual arousal,  pleasure...etc. There is only one primitive function that will exist, fight-or-flight. This is our body's mechanism in response to stress. Imagine staring at a hungry tiger, what would go in your mind? McDonalds? Titanic? Come on! You would want to get the hell out of there. Could you feel love in this state? What if you are stripped of even this level of  sense? Imagine standing on a railway track with a train approaching you at a breakneck speed. You are unable to move. Brain overload! Can you feel love then? Is it even possible for any kind of feeling to exist in that state? I say, Yes it is possible, and I have seen it with my own eyes.

One of my friend had just come to back to India on his study break, and so my other friends and I decided to have a get-together in his hometown, Pondicherry. We all started on our bikes, and had a very pleasant journey from Chennai to Pondicherry along the scenic East Coast Road. We reached Pondi around 7:00 PM, and decided to rent a room at the hotel to just sit, talk and catchup on all the lost details. The roads of Pondi, in accordance with the French and Indian tradition of road building, are pretty narrow, and the stretch where we were gathered was poorly illuminated. Having said that, the ECR is one of the busiest routes of South India, where public and private transports of all forms and sizes ply throughout day and night. We were standing outside the hotel waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive when we heard a screech of the brakes, a few loud thuds, some metal noise, and a scream of a woman. It seems that a biker, who was in his 40s and who was carrying his wife and his kid on his bike, tried to overtake government bus, but only to pull up just at the last moment. However, he was too late to swerve away from the way of the bus, and the bus hit the bike from the back, making the driver to lose balance. All three who were on the bike fell on that busy road with the bike sliding along the road due to the momentum.

Medical theory predicts that it is exactly at this moment that all our body senses are shut, including the fight-or-flight mechanism, and we are left in the hands of fate to decide our life. It is at this moment, the woman and wife expressed what I consider the benchmark of love. She screamed. Whats' the big deal in screaming when you are about to die? I believe that no matter what accent we cultivate, or what languages we learn, when we feel pain, we just seem to shout "aaaa", an incoherent and meaningless grunt to express our pain. This woman didn't scream "aaa." She screamed "ennanga." ( என்னங்க - a tamil word, a very respectful and loving way of calling one's husband). The moment when every sense in her body would have shut, she impulsively managed to call out, perhaps for one last time, to her husband, to make sure that he is alright. She is just a normal Indian woman, in her mid thirties, with a 12 year old kid. She is the type of woman where we take for granted that she might not approve of love marriage, or might not have experienced love, or a conservative woman., or someone just too insignificant to include when we young generations discuss about love. She didn't scream for her. She didn't scream for her own flesh and blood, her son. She didn't scream for her mother, the second most usual response to pain. And she didn't call for the God. She screamed for her husband. The love for her husband still evident, still active, even when every sense and hope in her body and mind has gone into shutdown mode. Love, is indeed capable of existing in absolutely nothing and everything. I dedicate this post to that woman, to all those who are truly in love, and to those who wear their heart on their sleeves so that they could keep their better half in their hearts.

P.S: The woman, man, and their kid survived with just a few bruises. Fairy tale ending does exist.
This post is just my opinion. I definitely don't imply that only women are capable of expressing love. It just happens that in this incident, it was a woman.

MLTR - Rajneeti

RAJNEETI REVIEW

Starring:

• Ranbir Kapoor as Samar Pratap
• Arjul Rampal as Prithviraj "Prithvi" Pratap
• Manoj Bajpai as Veerendra Pratap
• Ajay Devagan as Sooraj Kumar
• Katrina Kaif as Indu Pratap
• Nana Patekar as Brij Gopal
• Nikhila Trikha as Bharti Rai
• Naseeruddin Shah as Bhaskar Sanyal

Directer: Prakash Jha,
Music: Wayne Sharpe
Cinematography: Sachin Krishn

A modern re-telling of Mahabharata, Rajneeti has all the ingredients to keep you engrossed throughout the movie. Imagine the role of Chanakya being performed by one of the Pandavas himself, and you got yourself a very interesting storyline. A very vivid portrayal of our country's political affairs, Rajneeti shows how everything is fair in love, war and politics. Bhanu Pratap, the leader of Rashtrawadi political party, suffers from an heart-attack during a crucial moment before an impending state election, leaving him paralyzed and hence, preventing him to continue as the party president. In his absence, he appoints his brother Chandra Pratap and his son  Prithvi Pratap to be in charge for the party affairs. This leaves Veerendra Pratap, son of Bhanu Pratap, furious as Veerendra believes that he is the rightful heir to the party's throne. Veerendra Pratap is at odds with every decision made by his uncle, including the appointment of the party candidate to Azad Nagar constituency, culminating in a friendship between the local dalit leader Sooraj Kumar and Veerendra Pratap. It is told in a flashback that Sooraj Kumar is actually the son of Bharti Rai, wife of Chandra Pratap, and was born out of wedlock when she shared a moment of passion with her political guru and leftist leader Bhaskar Sanyal. Brij Gopal, brother of Bharti, wraps the child in a cloth and abandons him in a boat. This child was found by a Dailt family and is being raised as one of their own. Because of his valor, Sooraj Kumar quickly becomes the favorite of Azad Nagar.

Samar Pratap, the younger brother of Prithvi Pratap, doesn't wish to be a part of the family politics, and hence decides to go back to New York to finish his PhD. After Chandra Pratap sends off Samar at the airport, he is assassinated on the way to his home by an unidentified gunman. This makes Samar to postpone his trip and come back  to be with his family. Prithvi Pratap becomes furious at the lack of security of his father which led to his assassination, and vents his anger at the police officers. Prithvi is then taken into custody, and while in jail, he is also filed under charge of rape on one of his estranged woman party member. Samar understands that these moves against his family are being made by Veerendra and Sooraj. Samar, with the assistance of his uncle Brij Gopal, vows to take revenge. And thus starts the tale of Rajneeti of Samar Pratam.
By meticulous planning, Samar makes all charges against Prithvi Pratap to be dropped, and makes Prithvi the Chief Minister-nominee of the party. However, Veerendra manages to convince his paralyzed father  Bhanu Pratam to sign an edict that dismisses Prithvi Pratap from the party. This is exactly the outcome Samar wanted, and he, along with his brother and his uncle Brij, floats a new party in direct opposition Rashtrawadi political party. However, Samar finds it difficult to garner the required funds to manage the party. He then manages to convince Indu, who has a huge crush on Samar, to marry Prithvi to assure the funding worth 50 crores from Indu's father as Indu's father would only lend his hand to the person who would eventually become the candidate for chief minister.

Exit polls indicate Prithvi to be the forerunner for the chief minister post, and this makes Veerendra angry for not being able to fulfill his dream of becoming a chief minister. Sooraj kumar, unable to see the sorry state of his friend and mentor Veerendra, arranges a successful plot to kill Prithvi in a bomb blast, leaving only Samar and Indu as the heirs of Chandra Pratap's legacy. Samar then convinces Indu to run for the elections as the chief minister nominee, and she is shown to be able to sway the emotions of the mass to her side. Meanwhile, Bharti Rai meets Sooraj Kumar and reveals the true lineage of Sooraj. Sooraj, though moved by his discovery of his real parents and siblings, is still unflinching in his support of Veerendra Pratap.

Samar finally decides to end the family war once and for all, and arranges for a scheme to entice Veerendra Pratap to come to a secluded place without his cohorts. Sooraj is intimated of the sudden departure of Veerendra, and realizing something is amiss, he follows Veerendra. After making Veerendra to come out his car, Samar and his party people try to shoot down Veerendra. Even though Sooraj has a chance to take down Samar, he flinches for a moment perhaps due to his new found brotherhood, and gives a chance for Samar to escape. However, one of the bullets hits Veerendra in his chest, and Sooraj, realizing that the only chance of Veerendra to survive is to immediately take him to hospital, tries to make a deal with Samar wherein Veerendra and Sooraj will relinquish all of their political ambitions in exchange of Veerendra's life. However, Veerendra dies on the arms of Sooraj, and Brij Gopal convinces Samar that the only way to end this feud is to kill Sooraj too. Samar, still unaware that Sooraj is his brother, kills him, hence, bringing this "Kurukshetra" to an end. Indu is shown as becoming the chief minister, and Samar leaves his politics behind to leave to New York.

All of the characters have performed really well, including the perennial underachiever Arjun Rampal. However, the break-out characters out of the ensemble cast are Manoj Bajpai and Ranbir Kapoor. Manoj Bajpai adds his own elements of acting to skillfully portray the ambitious Veerendra Pratap. Ranbir Kapoor, portraying Samar Pratap, gives one of his best performances to this date. In contrast to his chocolate boy image, Ranbir Kapoor is shown as a shrewd mind, and who would go to any extent to protect his family and his party's ambitions. And how can I forget to mention the transformation of Katrina Kaif from an ultra-modern girl to a Sonia Gandhi-esque politician. Overall, I found the movie to be very enjoyable and definitely a paisa vasool.

As mentioned above, the story line is very similar to that of Mahabharata, albeit with few changes. Some similarities and contrasts that I am able to find:
1. The role of Nana Patekar is very similar to that of. Bhishma. However, unlike Bhishma, Nana Patekar is on the side of  Samar Pratap (the Pandavas)
2. Unlike Mahabarata in which there were 100 Gauravas and 5 Pandyas, there is only 1 Gaurava (Manoj Bajpai) and 2 Pandavas (Arjun Rampal and Ranbir Kapoor) in Rajneeti
3. Arjun's character resembles to Yudhistra, and Ranbir's that of Arjun. However, I find that Ranbir's character is also show to have the characteristics of Chankya. The absence of a visible Chanakya type character in support of Manoj Bajpai only strengthens my point of view.
4. Ajay Devagan as Sooraj is the modern avatar of Karna. The resemblances are uncanny. For example, Karna's adopted father was a Charioteer, where as Sooraj's adpoted father is a car driver for the Prataps. Also, as Karna's anger against Pandavas gets dissolved when Kunti reveals his true lineage, so does Ajay's anger against Samar Pratam, making Ajay to exhibit reluctance to shoot Samar when he had a choice. While Duryodhana makes Karna the King of Anga, Veerendra Pratap gives Sooraj one of the posts in party high-commission.